I hope you had some fun trying out Day One’s task of keeping quiet and moving into action when you made a request of your young child. How did that go? Did you find it difficult not to remind or negotiate or compromise with your child when they put up defiance? Or did your child actually listen to your request even though it was nonverbal? Be sure to check in by making comments each day where I can respond to your experience.
Okay, so here we are on Day Two of our goal to stop yelling. I’ve said it before and I will say it again and again.
Young children will behave best when they have rhythm, routine, structure, and rituals in place.
If you have a child who behaves well at preschool for his teachers but does not behave as well at home – it may have to do with lack of routine at home.
School provides predictability for children and they thrive on it. They know what comes next and that creates a sense of security and calm for a child.
Now, you may think that I am suggesting that you run your home like a preschool, (i.e. 7am breakfast, 9am books, 9:15 potty break, 9:30 art project, 9:50 outdoor play, etc). No, no, no. Who could do that, right? That’s completely unrealistic for us.
What can be realistic is a general rhythm for days we can fully control (days we don’t have our in-laws in town, or days we don’t have to wait at the driver’s license office for 2 hours, etc). I’m sure that 1/2 your week is made of days that could run smoother if you planned ahead.
I’ve posted some great ideas on creating more rhythm when it comes to creating that daily rhythm here and here.
Day Two
Create more predictability for your kids. Jot down your own daily rhythm.
- What can you make more predictable?
- You will yell less if you feel more organized.
- Can you shop on a Sunday evening by yourself while your husband or your mom watches the kids for you?
- Or what about creating an indoor space that has less toys and clutter for the children to play?
Children behave better when their blood sugar is kept in-check. So, if nothing else, start putting in place predictable time for them to refuel…
- a morning snack (like raisins, granola, or some fruit),
- a regular lunch time,
- an afternoon snack (make sure it includes protein like yogurt, or cheese, or peanut butter, or beans),
- and a regular family dinner (it’s okay if the kids eat lighter because of their high-protein afternoon snack).
A predictable bedtime routine is also another area to improve upon. For example,…
- after dinner it’s bath time around our house,
- then it’s time to get into jammies,
- brush teeth,
- prayers,
- stories,
- and kisses & hugs
- – lights out
It’s the same for us every night – even most weekends and holidays (there are always exceptions, but really, we strive to keep to the predictable because we enjoy our children and they enjoy us when we do).
Sure, we got the initial refusal to get into the bath or brush teeth. What did we do? We started the water running and began helping the kiddos out of their clothes, got the toothbrushes ready (I remember lifting my little guy up onto the sink with gentleness dipping him in my arms with a smile on my face and brushing his teeth for him – without anger or aggression) – maybe in a silly way or by racing them to the bathroom or telling them to get their favorite water toy or simply just saying, “bath time” – no negotiation, no argument, it’s just going to be done. We’re confident and sure of what comes next so that they are too.
Okay, mama. I want to hear from you. What part of the day needs more predictability? What is your plan to make it that way? You can do this!
Hi Raelee
Today was a little more difficult as we had to do some traveling, needed to be out of the door on time and the kids ended up having a nap in the car and wasn’t tired by bed time. But although I had to give myself time out and sneakily read Day 3 in the hope of gaining some new insight before Dinnertime I did not yell once. Id realize that towards the end of the day I talked to much and the magical spell of co-operation I enjoyed yesterday was broken. Lesson learned.
We have always had a good rhythm, regular meal and snacktimes and early bedtimes. My firstborn was a high needs baby and I soon discovered that regular rhythms calmed him down. Although the kids have good rhythms I do need to be more organized. I tend to leave chores etc and rather spend time with the kids but then I get stressed out if there are dirty dishes piled up, undone chores etc. So my task is to create a daily rhythm including chores and clean up to find a balance. And to have an early bedtime myself.
I decided to try this program. Yesterday I started. Yesterday went better than I expected it would. I already feel much calmer and my kids (2 and 4) seem happier.
I have tried to bring more routine to the house but the morning really needs some work. I am not at all a morning person so I do great once we reach lunch. I need to create a morning routine and a better chore routine. If the house stays cleaner they seem to behave better but I am not a good house keeper.
Sometimes the key to becoming a better housekeeper is in having less stuff. Look around, what could you do to simplify? Less is definitely more. The less stuff you have, the easier it is to clean up. Another idea toward making cleaning easier is to assign one chore or one room per day. Mondays are windows and dusting (preschoolers love to wash windows!), Tuesdays are bathrooms, Wednesdays and Saturdays are vacuum days, Thursdays are laundry, Fridays are sweeping outside and indoor bare floors. Give yourself a time line – like, breakfast is at 8:30am and my daily chore will be done before 10:30am. We will get outside before lunch time. Keeping these kinds of dead lines in mind can help keep you on track. Keep up the good work, mama!
Me again! I am at the end of day 2 and whilst I raised my voice (only once and I checked myself immediately) I still haven’t shouted at my kids. We are a pretty routine friendly family anyway, to be honest so today’s post was quite straightforward, although it’s not a normal day. Tomorrow is when I see ALL the challenges as I’ll be at home with the 4 1/2 year old and the 18 month old and it can be tough…I spent most of today re-affirming yesterday’s exercise and I have to say, it gets easier with practice. I’m not quite sure how I’ll work it all together when one or other of them has a huge tantrum but I guess I’ll find out soon enough!
You know what? I’m actually really chuffed – 2 days without shouting is a world record and I’m pretty sure my neighbours must think I’ve left them to it!
Here’s to another no shouty day tomorrow I was going to say ‘I hope’, but actually I have realised that it’s not about ‘hope’, it’s about controlling and choosing not to do it…so I am in control of that…