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Posts Tagged ‘routine’

Your New Super Power: Predictability

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

I know that if someone told me that I could see more cooperation, less tantrums, and find more peace with a brand new super power, I would be the first in line.  The good news is that you can claim your super power and can start reaping the benefits in a very short time.

The bad news is that it does require you to pull in a bit, shuffle some things around, and invite the thought to let some things go.  Are you willing to try it in order to see what might transpire in your home with your young children?

Children thrive on predictability. One of the things that has helped me is understanding that our children think in pictures.  They really need these visual images to help them understand what is happening, what you expect, and what it is exactly you want them to do.  So, for example, on Mondays at our regular play date it can be really difficult for my son to be ready to go when it’s time.  Instead of just announcing, “Okay, it’s time to go now,” I will prepare him in advance.

“Keats, in 5 minutes we’re going to get off the trampoline, get our coats on, and say good-bye.”  I try to be brief but specific about each step.  My goal is to create a visual image of him doing each thing that will lead us to the exit.

I know that there are families that really struggle with creating predictable rhythms. What is great to understand is that you don’t have to have your whole day mapped out in order for this super power to take affect.  Create one or two things that you can create for your children that happens every day that is the same, predictable ritual.  Meal times and bed times are a great place to start.  If you can’t have a predictable dinner time, choose to have a predictable bed time.

One of our own mamas in the noblemother community shared this experience she had with her 3 year old this past weekend when they altered the Saturday morning routine.  It’s truly amazing how balanced and even-tempered our children can become, the more rhythmical our days are.  We can fully understand the power of the routine when we change things up!

Perhaps that’s one reason you haven’t wanted to create predictable routines in your family – you want your children to be able to adapt to the winds of change and to be spontaneous.  I think on some level, we can all say that leading this unpredictable lifestyle day-in and day-out is stressful.  Finding more rhythm for yourself will bring you more peace and a feeling of control which provides all of us with security.

Young children under age 7 respond well to routines. Here are some ideas for setting up daily routines that can help young children comply with the every day tasks…

- Create a special wake up routine.  This might include kisses on the cheeks and a song.

“Good morning sun, good morning sun!
The night is gone, the day’s begun.
I’m certain while we work and play that God with help us through the day!”

- Light a candle for breakfast and let the children take turns blowing it out each day.
- Have the children practice their instruments (if they have them) after breakfast, rather than the afternoon.
- Before they get their coats on, have them check the outdoor thermometer.
- Set an egg timer while they brush their teeth or have them hum the Happy Birthday song.
- Incorporate movement and song as much as you can around things like washing their hands, setting the table, getting dressed, saying “good-night.”
- Keep afternoons reserved for free play – bike riding, outdoor play, a walk – rather than consistently scheduled.  One scheduled activity per week is more than enough for young children.
- Have them put their clothes out the night before they go to sleep.
-Don’t be afraid of letting your kids get bored.  Boredom leads children toward creativity.  Without enough downtime, they may never have the opportunity to really let their imaginations soar or their creativity bloom.

I’d love for you to share some of your own helpful daily rituals with us. What routine has brought your family joy and more peacefulness?

Tags: Children Under Age 7, discipline, family culture, rhythm, routine, simplicity parenting
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Tears, Misbehavior, & The Importance of Rhythm

Friday, January 8th, 2010

happyboyHi Raelee,

I just wanted to let you know of a really rewarding experience I had with B this morning.

After a super hectic holiday and quite an extended period of disrupted routine,
I was noticing a lot of “behaviors”. He was more easily frustrated, more quick to resort to tears and shouting “no”, hitting, and throwing. His attention span was greatly diminished. And he was playing on his own A LOT less (he generally plays calmly about 50% of our day). Yesterday, I was feeling pretty low about the whole situation myself which, of course, just seemed to make matters worse.

This morning, I stopped negotiating. I stopped trying to make it easier for him. I stopped trying to compromise, to please him. I refused to play trucks when he wanted me to, offering cuddles, stories, block or play dough instead. I refused to get out another activity when he immediately gave up on the first one he had requested.

And, guess what? He cried a lot. He pulled my arms and insisted. He threw something. I took it away (that’s the rule). He flailed his arms at me. I said, “You may not hurt me. I will not let you hit.” And he went for his blanket and his binky and self soothed for about 5 minutes. Then he latched on to something else and we went through the same routine.

I stuck with my answers. I re-emphasized the expectations and the boundaries of what was acceptable. Rather than catering to him in an effort to make things easier on us both – which I had been doing out of exhaustion and frustration since the holidays – I stated the rule and I stuck by it. And I didn’t go along with what he wanted to do when I knew I would be miserable and resentful.

And that was it. He was back to his calm, cheerful, focused self – the little guy I had been missing since the hectic holidays. Woo Hoo for routine! We had a fabulous day together, going through the familiar daily rituals. And the suppertime breakdowns in the evening were even far improved over the past couple of days. I feel like he really just needed the parameters drawn again and that’s why he had been “acting up”. It just took me a while to catch on!

Peace,
S.

Thanks so much to S. for sharing her success story!  I hope this supports the noble mother community as we strive to figure out the best way to respond to our children when they are challenged by their own daily inner work.  I would recommend reading this article about tears and crying by Aletha Solter to continue your understanding about the necessity of allowing children the space to work out their own stress, anxiety, and traumas through crying.  I welcome your success stories as well as your parenting challenges, mamas!!

~Raelee

Tags: Aletha Solter, assertiveness, Aware Parenting, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, discipline, family culture, fortitude, independence, rhythm, rituals, routine, self-discipline, tantrums, teaching, tears
Posted in rhythm | 3 Comments »

Navigating Nap Time

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

preschool-sleepMy youngest is turning 4 this month. He still needs a nap. I keep waiting for the days to arrive when he survives the afternoon without falling asleep or without falling apart (if he doesn’t squeeze in a nap).

Nope, not yet. Like clockwork, he gets sleepy and weary around 1pm.  It’s become a taboo to talk about the nap.

“Is it nap time now?” he’ll ask with worry.

I gently answer, “yeah, it’s that time again.”

“Noooooo!” he emphatically responds.

For the past couple of years nap time appeared in our day in one of several ways.

1.  He falls asleep on his own in the car or on the couch and I can easily transfer him to his bed.  (Yeah, isn’t that crazy that he will let me transfer him from one location to another??  He’ll even transfer from or to a stroller! It’s unbelievable luck).

2.  He is awake but desperately in need of a nap and I pick him up and carry him to our bed, snuggle next to him while he cries and protests.  All the while reassuring him.  Within moments his protests melt into a warm snuggle and he lets go to sleep.  I’ve enjoyed many an afternoon nap with this munchkin as well as enjoyed slipping away from his sleepy arms to enjoy a cup of tea and blogging.

3. Big tears and upset over the very idea of a nap. This has become a norm these past few days.  We’ve decided to call nap, “quiet time.”

Yesterday he puttered around quietly, reverently reading in honor of “quiet time.”  Then he came to me with a sad and whiny voice, “I’m bored. I don’t know what to do.”  I held out my arms and he crawled into them and fell right to sleep.  I transferred him to the couch with ease.

Today, he fell asleep on our way home from preschool and I transferred him to the couch where he lies sleeping now.

With my oldest, now 7, I remember having a very specific nap time routine.  We would read a story, and I would sing 2 songs all the while rocking in the glider rocker until she fell asleep.  It would take between 5-20 minutes on any given afternoon.

She was trickier – absolutely did not transfer well from one location to another.  I got it down to an art when I was home and transferred her from my arms to her bed by holding my body close to her on the release until she settled back into her sleep.  I remembered feeling so overwhelmed on the days she woke up during transfer and wouldn’t go back to sleep!

Both my children have taught me that when I maintain the boundary around their sleep, they are happier and better behaved.  I’ve taken in stride now the nap ebb and flow with my one and only napper – the tantrum afternoons prior to nap versus the flow of falling into sleep without difficulty.

Both of my children require transition time after their nap most days.  It means holding them upon wake-up, not talking too much, and having some extra cuddle time until they are ready to embrace the awake world once again.

What are your biggest challenges with nap time?

Or what are nap patterns that have helped you and your child?

Tags: Children Under Age 7, nap time, routine, sleep, tantrums, toddler
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Day 9: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

simplicitySomething that has significantly reduced my stress, which has reduced my mommy tantrums has been implementing the idea of Kim John Payne’s simplicity.  It’s round 2 this week as I again go through the kids’ toys and clothes and get rid of things that they’ve outgrown, are broken, or just need to be stored and recycled for another day.  With fewer toys and books, the children play better and longer independently!

Day 9

Simplify your home.

In Payne’s book Simplicity Parenting, he suggests that parents look at several areas to work on.  Toys and books are a big area.  We have a space in our storage area for the “extras.”  There’s a basket for my 3 year old’s plastic animals, bookshelves of their books, and bins of others toys.  In the play room, we’re keeping things simple and less cluttered – with just some of their favorite toys.  Each month or so, the children can go up to the storage area and exchange their toys with a few others to keep things interesting.

As many of you know, we have also eliminated television. We have been 95% TV-Free since November.  The few exceptions have been when we are at a relative’s home or to watch a special show with the family. We’ve also turned off the radio.  We no longer listen to the commercials and the pop-culture music of the Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, and Miley Cyrus that come across the sound waves while driving to school.

These two areas – the stuff and the media – have calmed things down in our home and car.  There’s less whining, demanding, and tantruming with less things and less noise.  I don’t have to negotiate the media and the children are so much more engaged in their play with less.

Hope this inspires you to simplify!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, discipline, family culture, intention, Kim John Payne, rhythm, routine, screens, self-discipline, simplicity parenting, toys, Waldorf
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | No Comments »

Day 4: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

mom relaxingYou’re on Day 4 of your 12 Day Challenge! By now you may be realizing that you have been expecting too much from your child and because your expectations are often not fulfilled, you feel frustrated and angry with her.

I’m sure that just reflecting and striving to implement some of these new strategies has worn you out.

Let’s agree one more time for the record that parenting is hard work. It’s a job that stretches you.  Your core qualities are being tested beyond what you think you can even manage at times.  You wouldn’t be the first mama to feel overwhelmed by the tasks of consistency and fortitude!

At this point in our coaching, however, I want you to put some thought into the idea that “all behavior is communication.”  Obviously, you could immediately think of your own child and contemplate what her behavior is communicating to you, especially the challenging behaviors.

But I want you to think about yourself instead. How often are you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and angry?  Think about a scale from 1 to 10.  Say 10 is your rage, your absolute boiling point.  Where are you on this scale most of the time?

If you’re thinking you probably fall between 5 and 10 most days, I want you to reflect on this for a moment:  You already understand and acknowledge that young children will be noisy, messy, and they will most assuredly push your buttons.  Their brains are still developing; they are still learning how the world works, how their own emotions work.

You’re the emotionally mature one, mama, in this scenario.

Day 4

You need to take care of yourself and your own needs. If your anger and frustration consistently stay between 5 and 10, I invite you to entertain the thought that you are communicating a message to the world.  You might be communicating, “I need a break! I need support!  I need to rest!  I need solitude!”

There’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about needing to be away from your children now and again!  In fact, it is absurd of you to expect yourself not to have regular times away in order for you to refuel, to re-energize.

If you don’t have regular dates with your spouse, schedule one sooner rather than later.

If  childcare is a problem preventing you from taking a break when you need one, connect with some other moms and create a babysitting co-op.  When my first child was just a baby we had a co-op with a few other families in our neighborhood.  It was amazing!  I would sit for a mom while her kids slept so she could go out with her husband and then she would do the same for me on another night for me and mine.

Another great way to recharge regularly is creating an early bedtime for your little ones.  One of the best ways I refuel is knowing that my nights belong to me.  I value a 7 or 7:30pm bedtime for my kids.  I value it so much that I actually get disappointed when we have things scheduled in the evenings that will hinder me from getting them to bed early!  From 7:30pm until 11pm, I can attend a mom’s night out, read, blog, scrapbook, watch a show, call a friend, snuggle with my hubby… the possibilities are endless.

Moms tell me all the time that their kids won’t go to sleep early. I’m sure there are exceptions, but this past summer when I took care of my niece and nephew for 3 weeks along with my own 2, I wasn’t surprised when I had them bathed, jammied, storied, and beded by 8pm.  That was exceptional considering that they don’t have a regular early bedtime at their own house.

I LOVE the bedtime routine. It means restorative, healthy, sweet quiet is on its way.  I truly believe that all mothers can have this, especially once your children are 2.5 or older. We started both of our kids on an early bedtime since birth.  It evolved since nursing and fears and sickness and teething – all of these things do play a part in interrupted evening time for awhile.   I forged through and there was a time when my oldest actually needed to go to bed by 6:30pm in order to sleep well!  It was amazing!

But I digress…

The bottom line? If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.  And if you’re pulling your hair out most of the day with your kids, then  you aren’t happy and it means you are in desperate need of some personal, daily respite.  It’s not a guilty pleasure, it’s a necessity.  I invite you to pursue it!

Tags: bedtime, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, family culture, intention, routine, Self-Care, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | No Comments »

Day Two: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

dishwashingI hope you had some fun trying out Day One’s task of keeping quiet and moving into action when you made a request of your young child.  How did that go?  Did you find it difficult not to remind or negotiate or compromise with your child when they put up defiance?  Or did your child actually listen to your request even though it was nonverbal?  Be sure to check in by making comments each day where I can respond to your experience.

Okay, so here we are on Day Two of our goal to stop yelling.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again and again.

Young children will behave best when they have rhythm, routine, structure, and rituals in place.

If you have a child who behaves well at preschool for his teachers but does not behave as well at home – it may have to do with lack of routine at home.

School provides predictability for children and they thrive on it. They know what comes next and that creates a sense of security and calm for a child.

Now, you may think that I am suggesting that you run your home like a preschool, (i.e. 7am breakfast, 9am books, 9:15 potty break, 9:30 art project, 9:50 outdoor play, etc).  No, no, no.  Who could do that, right?  That’s completely unrealistic for us.

What can be realistic is a general rhythm for days we can fully control (days we don’t have our in-laws in town, or days we don’t have to wait at the driver’s license office for 2 hours, etc).  I’m sure that 1/2 your week is made of days that could run smoother if you planned ahead.

I’ve posted some great ideas on creating more rhythm when it comes to creating that daily rhythm here and here.

Day Two

Create more predictability for your kids. Jot down your own daily rhythm.

  • What can you make more predictable?
  • You will yell less if you feel more organized.
  • Can you shop on a Sunday evening by yourself while your husband or your mom watches the kids for you?
  • Or what about creating an indoor space that has less toys and clutter for the children to play?

Children behave better when their blood sugar is kept in-check.  So, if nothing else, start putting in place predictable time for them to refuel…

  • a morning snack (like raisins, granola, or some fruit),
  • a regular lunch time,
  • an afternoon snack (make sure it includes protein like yogurt, or cheese, or peanut butter, or beans),
  • and a regular family dinner (it’s okay if the kids eat lighter because of their high-protein afternoon snack).

A predictable bedtime routine is also another area to improve upon.  For example,…

  • after dinner it’s bath time around our house,
  • then it’s time to get into jammies,
  • brush teeth,
  • prayers,
  • stories,
  • and kisses & hugs
  • - lights out

It’s the same for us every night – even most weekends and holidays (there are always exceptions, but really, we strive to keep to the predictable because we enjoy our children and they enjoy us when we do).

Sure, we got the initial refusal to get into the bath or brush teeth.  What did we do?  We started the water running and began helping the kiddos out of their clothes, got the toothbrushes ready (I remember lifting my little guy up onto the sink with gentleness dipping him in my arms with a smile on my face and brushing his teeth for him – without anger or aggression) – maybe in a silly way or by racing them to the bathroom or telling them to get their favorite water toy or simply just saying, “bath time” – no negotiation, no argument, it’s just going to be done.  We’re confident and sure of what comes next so that they are too.

Okay, mama.  I want to hear from you. What part of the day needs more predictability?  What is your plan to make it that way?  You can do this!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, family culture, intention, rhythm, routine, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | No Comments »

Day One: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

mom and child meditatingThe most common challenge for moms is getting children to listen without yelling. Every one of my clients with children older than 12 months has admitted to yelling.

In the next 12 days, I will be writing a post every day to help you put an end to this bad parenting habit, find a more effective way to communicate, and perhaps even see that your children are beginning to listen to you!

With your busy schedule and multiple tasks to accomplish, your day can become one demanding request after another. You start to hate your own voice as you hear yourself repeating, “Go brush your teeth.” or “Get your clothes on.” or “Put your shoes away.” or “Eat your dinner.”  You start to feel like a broken record and you begin to hear your voice get more and more frustrated until you are no longer capable of keeping calm.

The reason you are yelling is usually because your young children are not listening to you.

Well, this will probably not come to any surprise to you, but most parents talk too much to their children – negotiating, reasoning, explaining, and going into meaningless detail.

Why do you talk so much?

The reason you talk so much is that you may be trying to help yourself stay calm. In an effort not to blow up, you believe that if you just explain things in a different way or give your child more information, their behavior will improve and you will not have to yell.

Our first task at hand is to talk less and act more.

Day One:

You may not talk to make your request.  You may use gestures to suggest and encourage your child to do what she needs to do.

What does that look like?

Choose not to yell or shout or shame your child when she won’t listen to your request.  Instead, …

  • keep quiet or use only a word or phrase as a tip for your child and say it once – “shoes” or “clean-up time” or “teeth”
  • if your child needs to pick up toys, you can hand her the toys that need to be picked up and point to the basket where they go
  • if she will not pick up the toys, bring the basket to her or gently, buy firmly physically guide her to the basket
  • If your child needs to wipe her mouth during dinner, hand her a napkin and point to her mouth
  • if she throws the napkin on the floor, choose not to react with anger or frustration – take confident action and wipe her mouth gently
  • if your child has spilled cheerios and milk all over the floor, hand her the rag or the broom and point to the floor
  • if she’s never cleaned up her own mess before, teach her how and get a rag and show her how it is done

You can do this, mama. Good luck with Day One’s Assignment!  Please leave a comment about your thoughts on this first task and let us know how it went for you.

Tags: Children Under Age 7, discipline, family culture, imitation, no spanking, routine, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | 2 Comments »

Finding That Predictable Daily Routine

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

co-sleepingOne of the most popular questions from moms is about how I structure my days with my children.

When I was the mama of my first child I remember a love-hate relationship with my days and with motherhood.  I adored sleeping in with my baby; those cozy mornings snoozing and nursing together were so heavenly.  I was one of those moms who had to shower before I could do anything else.  I would have her sit in her exercise saucer or bouncy seat in the bathroom.  I had a clear shower curtain so I could watch her.  After breakfast we would putter around cleaning up and much of the time I would wear her in a back pack carrier or in a sling.  The days felt so long and they involved nursing and sleeping, cooking and cleaning.  There was a beautiful quietness to those days and I remember trying to accept them and cherish them.

There were weeks of complete indulgence when Isabel loved to nurse and sleep during the day for a few hours and we would just snuggle on the bed and I watched Dawson’s Creek reruns.  It was a guilty pleasure.  But I also felt like it was this unique time with this little being who was growing up before my eyes.

Life with a toddler became more challenging for me. She had her own opinions, likes, and dislikes.  She was different than me.  I had to learn her toddler-ease to communicate.  When I pulled, she pushed.  For awhile I felt lost as a mom.  I had no interest in playing on the floor or running at the park.  I realized that I had to find a way to enjoy spending time with a young child.  Fortunately, I came to see that I was the center of her universe, not the other way around.

sweet_siblingsWhen I became the mom of two young children, a 3 year old and a newborn, I felt like the world had fallen on my shoulders.  It had taken me 3 years to adjust to being Isabel’s mom.  I remember trying to figure out how I would nurture them both?  Thankfully, at that time, I had the flexibility to focus my energies on mothering and home life; I had few distractions.  I took it one day at a time.  Three mornings each week, Isabel went to a Waldorf home nursery and that provided me with time with the baby by ourselves.  Again, a heavenly time of sleepy nursing together.

And now, things have evolved again. I have an elementary school student and preschooler.  Life has fallen more into place for me and I’m adjusting to working from home and meeting the needs of my family.

Finding predictable routines has been my saving grace.  A sample daily rhythm…

School Morning
6:20am Snuggle time with mommy upon waking, drifting back to sleep.
6:35am Quiet play – the kids create games or read books while I get ready.
6:45am Simple breakfasts of  their favorite protein meal shake, or egg and toast, or oatmeal, or cold cereal.  Warm tea with honey.  I make their lunches for school.
Morning prayers with daddy.
7:10am Getting dressed, brushing hair, shoes on, using the bathroom, more play.
7:55am Leave for school

Home Morning If your child isn’t in school yet…
7am Wake up, dressing, breakfast, clean-up.
8am Household chores – sweeping, windows, laundry, etc.
9am Outdoor walk, sand or water play, swinging.
10:30am Snack – fruit, granola bar, crackers, or raisins.
11:00am Indoor play and clean up
12:30pm Lunch

Afternoon
12:30pm Pick up preschooler. For those with school
1:00pm Nap time.
3:15pm Pick up 1st grader.
3:45pm Home snack – apples with peanut butter, yogurt w/granola, or an egg with cheese.  I try to make sure this snack includes protein.
4:00pm Outdoor play or creative indoor play (this is usually on their own).

DSCF0007Evening
5:00pm Dinner prep and household clean-up.  I try to include the kids as much as possible in the cutting of veggies or mixing ingredients.  I want them to set the table more often.  They’ve put together puppet shows and other creative productions during this time, or they listen to music and jump on the mini trampoline.
6:00pm Dinner together.
6:30pm Bath time.
6:50pm Out of the bath, pajamas, brush teeth.
7:00pm 1-2 stories, candles, prayers/songs.
7:30pm Hugs & Kisses, Lights Out.

The more predictable and consistent I am in holding them with this rhythm, the easier and more simple our days are together and the more I enjoy their company.  Because they know what to expect, and especially since we no longer have television as an option in their day, I find that things are slower, more peaceful, and even fun!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, family culture, Kim John Payne, routine, screen time, simplicity parenting, Waldorf
Posted in simplicity | No Comments »

Simplify Your Kids

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

hide_and_seekLast Thursday my husband and I had the pleasure of attending a lecture on Simplicity Parenting with Kim John Payne, author of the book by the same title at the Emerson Waldorf School in Chapel Hill. The evening was enlightening, to say the least.

I thought I would share with you some of the highlights. Most of what he shared you can read for yourself in his book, but it made a big difference for me to hear him speak. I felt so inspired that I started simplifying the next day and we finally came to terms with the use of screen time for our children.

Essentially Payne believes that children living in our modern world, with 2-5 extra-curricular activities scheduled each week, the high stress of academic achievement from school and from parents, the amount of screen time on computers, video games, and television viewing, the amount of toys (150 toys per child on average), and the adult conversation children are privy to, all of this is resulting in, what he calls, Cumulative Stress Syndrome in our children, or CSS.

All children are quirky, according to Payne. However, he explains, each child’s “quirk” can also be their gift. For example, a child who likes order or patterns, on a bad day, may be easily labeled or diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. On a good day, this “quirk” can be very useful and helpful within the family – when the child isn’t overly stressed it is simply orderliness and structure.

So, when the complexity of your child’s environment is high and the predictability and structure of their days is low, your child can become stressed.

Our goal as parents is to create an environment that is simplified. Less scheduled, fewer toys and even books, filtered adult conversation, less academic pressure, and the elimination of screen time for children under the age of 7, can significantly change your child’s behavior and well-being for the better.

You may read this and immediately feel like it’s impossible to simplify following these guidelines. I know how you feel. I felt overwhelmed and even fearful imagining the changes he was suggesting. At the same time I was shocked by the information he was sharing.

  • 93% of the world’s Ritalin is consumed by the United States.
  • The average 12 year old in our country watches 42 hours of television.
  • Stressed children retract from the world.
  • Screen time for, specifically boys, dulls the empathy center of the brain.
  • When children are privy to too much adult conversation they are more difficult to discipline.

Unfortunately, when you feed your child’s mind before you nurture their hearts, you cause great heartache for yourself as your child matures and you watch them make choices that affect the rest of their lives.

You mustn’t be afraid to be in charge while your children are young. You are the benevolent dictator during these young years, creating predictability through rhythms like meal and bedtime rituals.  You set the tone of your family life by placing value on the qualities of the spirit – kindness, courtesy, gentleness, compassion.

These early years are critical to the success of your children and how they develop into young adults.  When you let loose and allow the culture and frenzy of pushing your children into so much too soon, the gentle unfolding experience of childhood is missed.

I was moved and inspired by Payne’s words and by his book. I am resolute about eliminating screen time for my 3.5 year old and determined to keep it at bay for my 7 year old.  We’ve turned off the radio in the car.  I’ve simplified toys and books and I am striving to remember to ask myself if what I have to say in front of my children is kind, necessary, and true before I say it in their presence.  Fortunately, we haven’t gotten caught up in over-scheduling and we are looking into ways of lessening the academic pressure for our 1st grader.

Just within these first 7 days of applying the principles, I’m amazed at how much more calm and connected I’m feeling to both of my children.  Both of them are adapting to the changes.  Interestingly, they have been most upset about their books being put away upstairs than by anything else.  I’ve left about 10 books for each of them in their bookshelves and they are agonizing over how few they have to choose from.  I’m stretching them to focus on this smaller number of books for a few weeks before we exchange them with new ones from upstairs.  The paint and crayons have come out a lot more lately and they’re playing very creatively together.  The biggest and most rewarding change I’ve seen in them this week is their helpfulness.  All of a sudden they want to help me vacuum and scrub toilets and get ready for guests with more eagerness and enthusiasm then ever before.

Mama, it can be done! I’m here to help.   Please contact me with your questions or let me know if you would like a free consultation.

Happy Simplifying!

mysig

Tags: family culture, Kim John Payne, rhythm, routine, screens, simplicity parenting, Waldorf
Posted in simplicity | 2 Comments »

Scared At Night

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Monsters-Inc-StartQuestion From Lynn: Looking for your ideas….my dd has decided she’s afraid of shadows and doesn’t want to stay in her room when we put her to bed at night.  So we’re back to staying with her until she falls asleep, and even then, she comes into our room during the night if she wakes up.  Showing her what a shadow is has not changed her mind about them.  She won’t be disuaded that they can’t hurt her.

Noble Mother Responds:

Hi Lynn,

There does seem to be an ebb and flow to bedtime fears. Try getting rid of the shadows by leaving her light on.  We leave the kids’ lights on and then turn them out before we go to bed.

I think the goal is to help her feel safe in her room – leaving lights on, music, special toy – sometimes these rituals help.  A really clever technique that works beautifully for ours is sitting in the rocking chair while they’re falling asleep when they are particularly freaked out and then I’ll say, “Oh, I’ll be right back I have to get the laundry out of the dryer.  You go ahead and lie down and I’ll be right back.”  I do this for about 5-10 minutes and they are usually fast asleep by my 3rd trip.

We also talk about God always there to protect them. We have a special protection prayer that they both know and we tell them that saying the prayer will help them fall asleep and bring their protection angels to them.  I have a picture of 2 children walking along a path and there’s a guardian angel hovering above them. I had it on my wall when I was little and now they have it.  They like that.

We’ve also built into our credit system a way to earn gems when you stay in your bed all night.  It’s a great incentive!

What I’m learning is that the more tools I provide for them to create their safety and security, the better.  If I allow their safety to be only about being with me, in my bed, then that becomes a crutch.  However, I’m a big believer in following your intuition.  I follow my gut some nights when I know that staying in their room reading or working on my laptop until they’re asleep is just what they need to feel secure.

I’d love for other moms to respond as well.  If you have great bedtime tips for Lynn, please share!

mysig

Tags: bedtime, fears, routine
Posted in rituals | 3 Comments »

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