Posts Tagged ‘routine’

What Will You Tell Your Daughter About Motherhood?

Friday, May 21st, 2010

I have had a lot on my mind lately about the state of motherhood. I have to be honest, it is my nature not to want to cause conflict or to challenge anyone’s choices when it comes to something as personal as parenting and mothering.

At the same time I have an inner fire burning in my chest to free women from the unbelievable and ridiculous standard of expectations we’ve heaped upon ourselves. One of the many beautiful gifts I’ve learned from becoming a simplicity parenting group leader is to become more curious rather than confrontational when there’s a difference of opinion, to listen with soft eyes, and to find the intention behind spoken words.

So, with those principles in mind, I invite you to read my stream of consciousness…

I will be first to admit that this mothering gig has been vastly more challenging and humbling than I ever could have imagined. I will also admit that there are many days I would prefer to have lots of time to think, reflect, and sit in the sweetness of silence.

At the same time, I honor motherhood and its personal tests. The journey is stretching me to strengthen my character, my spiritual qualities like no other role has.

Because I do respect mothering, there is an inner desire to fully embrace it, especially now while my youngest is still in preschool. How quaint and retro of me to yearn for full-time homemaking. Really? Are we really so bitter and jaded about gardening, homemade meals, clean spaces, and time for personal connection with our children that this ideal of nourishing our very spirit with these simple rhythms and routines is just too old fashioned?

I think in our quest to be valued that we didn’t fight for the feminine qualities that capture the true greatness of women but instead we fought for the right to be…men. We fought to work outside the home and in the home. Great. Now everyone is working. Men and women. The babies? The babies are being outsourced to the “professionals” or they are at home with us and responded to between work calls and email responses.

There are days when I catch my breath and wonder, “is this what I want?” I sleep to the last minute I can after sometimes, a restless night of scared or ill little ones, to ready everyone for the day ahead. Without a moment of reflection, I pack lunches, tie shoes, and drive the van for the school drop-off. I head home for a quick breakfast, glance at the piles of laundry, papers, toys, and art materials that I have no time to organize or handle because there are posts to write, clients to call – a pressure to earn. There’s guilt about the grocery store trip I need to take or the cat box that needs to be emptied.

But it is the relationships and the deep connections that are sacrificed by living this hurried life as a wanna-be homemaker who strives toward breadwinning and self-fulfillment through career.

Let’s be honest. There is no work-life balance, at least not while mothering children under age 7. Is it necessary for us to be striving to be a mother of little ones, the nest maker, and a breadwinner all at once? Aren’t there enough years to give each experience it’s own time and attention? I am befuddled at our belief that we must be everything to everyone in the same moment.

My thoughts on all of this are still percolating. I feel especially thoughtful when I think about what I want to share with my own daughter about motherhood and what it is and how she might go about it. I want it to be easier for her. I want to create a society for her that actually believes the mother-child bond is unique, sacred, and worth a few years of our undivided attention.

Tags: integrity, motherhood, rhythm, routine, working mom
Posted in motherhood | 9 Comments »

Day 8: Create a Calm Environment

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

When I think about creating a more calm family life in my home, it makes sense to think about the environment. Here are 5 great tips to help you simplify your home space that you read more about here as well.

1. Make It Cozy – It’s especially important for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers to have a space that allows for good acoustics. Wood floors and high ceilings are more popular today than ever before. In these beautiful spacious homes there can be a lot of echoing – not only can this be slightly cold but it can be very difficult for our little ones to understand our words while they are learning to speak. You can create a cozier space and help the acoustics with rugs and fun cloths draped on the ceilings.

2. Natural Lighting – It’s well known that fluorescent lights are not good for our health. Thank goodness we don’t usually have fluorescent lights in our homes. The more natural light you can bring into your home, the more calming and peaceful. A lovely way to start or end the day is with candlelight. Candlelight is something that invites us to be still and quiet. As long as there is safety and supervision, it can be something to introduce into your morning or bedtime routine.

3. Reduce Noise – Some of the best ways to reduce the noise factor in our homes is to turn the TV set off when no one is watching. It’s preferable with young children to limit recorded music – radio and CDs – aren’t as preferable as live music. If you used to play the guitar, flute, piano, or the clarinet, bring it out, mama! I was so inspired by one mom who had never played an instrument and decided to teach herself the penny whistle. She began taking her penny whistle to the park with her kids – so cool. You can certainly find a lot more peace by clearing out the toys. Pssst…I give you complete permission to rid your home of those noisy toys.

4. Be Careful of Smells! – Kids are super sensitive to smells and their behavior will show it. Chemicals from toxic cleaners (mama, if you’re still using Windex, bleach, and Tide – for shame – you know I love you, right? – but, those things are terrible for our little ones and for us). Hyperactivity, aggression, poor cognition, confusion…these can all be caused by powerful smells. Time to put aside strong smelling perfumes and aftershave. Febreeze and Glade – these are strong chemicals that can hi-jack your child’s amygdala and truly be a source of difficulties you may be experiencing with the little ones. You can clean effectively and safely and open the windows for fresh air rather than creating the “fresh” scent with damaging chemicals.

5. Eat Clean – It’s time to rid your pantry, fridge, and freezer of those big hit foods and flavors. I’ve been super inspired by Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution. I love veggies and I’m striving to cook more and more vegetarian and vegan meals for my family. Jamie does a great job at making those processed foods that are full of chemicals, look totally disgusting. Make a commitment to cook healthier and sign Jaime’s pledge! It’s easy to look at efficiency when we are trying to feed our kids and settle for the fake macaroni and cheese or chicken nuggets, but we’re setting them up to refuse to eat real food since processed food is such “big hit flavors” that vegetables, fruit, and grains taste like cardboard to our kids. French fries do not count as a vegetable. This week I’m planning to make a delicious wheatberry salad and a lentil salad that pop with flavor and are so good for us!

Mama, there are a lot of ideas here to think about. Now, don’t overwhelm yourself and try to implement everything today. Focus on one do-able change for this week when it comes to your environment.

What tip connects to you most?

Tags: bedtime, candlelight, Children Under Age 7, family culture, Kim John Payne, meals, rhythm, routine, simplicity parenting, toys
Posted in 10 Days to a Calmer Family | No Comments »

Day 5: The Kids Have Routines, Do You?

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Seeking harmony, peace, and more calm seems to be the Holy Grail of motherhood. As you well know, I’ve discovered that keeping my children on a daily rhythm helps to keep things running more smoothly. However, it isn’t as foolproof as I would like. Yes, I hate to break it to you, but I struggle with mommy anger and frustration and I have to work so hard each and every day to maintain self-control when my cherubs push my buttons.

I have put my self to the test lately and I’ve been thinking more about what is essentially my problem! *Yes, I’m laughing at myself.* Intellectually I couldn’t know any better that losing my cool is incredibly ineffective and just bad parenting. Emotionally I just know that I am playing on the edge. All the mommy time in the world isn’t actually the answer for me. I love self-care and it is necessary, but a night out with my hubby, a night out with the mommies, or a morning to myself, actually isn’t the key for me in resolving my current challenge.

It is evident that I have all the symptoms of soul fever. Feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, crankiness, and heart palpitations! are definite evidence that I’m burning the candle at both ends. Can you relate?

It’s easy for me to recognize soul fever in my children, but I’m just cluing in that it is something I can suffer from too. As a mom who is passionate about helping my fellow womankind to stop the madness and to cherish their babies, toddlers, preschoolers enough to put the career to the side and to nurture those little beings as the way mamas do, I feel driven to blog and coach and facilitate this work. At the same time, my true reason for choosing to be home is to create a nurturing, spirit-lifting home for all of us. I’m determined to live my best life. For me, that means living accountable to the beings my husband and I decided to bring into this world. I am teaching them every day how to live – how to respond when things go wrong (like your car won’t start or the budget is too tight). I am the model.

It’s time to put that great intention into self-disciplined rhythms that help me achieve my goals. I’m really excited to figure out that creating rhythm and routine and predictability for myself will bring out my best. Whew. It took me awhile to get to that point, eh?

So, my intention this next month is to create some do-able rhythms so that I can be more organized, efficient, and sane as a mama who wants my spiritual qualities of flexibility, gentleness, and self-discipline to shine with my family. Ah, dear mamas, it just keeps coming back around to simplifying – simplifying my own environment (my office is so not peaceful), creating healthy meals for myself (I am such a wannabe Vegan!), establishing a slow schedule, and filtering out media and other information that brings me stress (news about missing kids!).

What’s one do-able thing you could change in your environment, meal/bed time routine, schedule, or information resources that will help you model your best today?

Tags: intention, Kim John Payne, motherhood, rhythm, routine, Self-Care, self-discipline, simplicity parenting, soul fever, tribe
Posted in 10 Days to a Calmer Family | 1 Comment »

Day 3: Allow Soul Fever to Run Its Course

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

We’ve been exploring the topic of soul fever in this series of creating a calmer family life. Once we’ve noticed that our child is out-of-sync and we intuitively feel they need some intentional down-time, we can briefly stop the normal routines, and stay close to our little one for support.

We’re so used to filling up our days with a task and to-do list that it can sound almost impossible to take a break from that daily roller coaster. But, again, think of a soul fever just like you would a physical fever. You know that pushing a sick child to keep going through the normal paces of life might result in a longer or more severe sickness. Well, I know how much you want a better sleeper, less picky eater, more cooperative, content child. What if slowing down and taking some things off your plate would help you achieve that?

It’s tempting to believe that a slow afternoon and a stint of book reading on the couch will break a soul fever and allow you to move back into full throttle once again. And you never know, a soul fever might end the moment you just notice and pay attention to it with a fresh perspective. More than likely, however, it will need to just run its course. This might be a day or two or it might mean examining what you can simplify in one of the 4 areas: environment, routines, schedules, or in-coming information through screens and adult conversation.

For us, it was evident that the soul fever was brought on by a daily school environment that was a mismatch with what we felt our child needed for her spirit to thrive. Switching schools may not be the answer, but advocating for your child with your child’s teacher might be. Young children do not need busy work at home. The homework our kindergartners and 1st graders are expected to complete is not developmentally appropriate. Most of the time, these worksheets are a repeat of what your child did that same day in school.

Extra-curricular activities like music lessons and team sports can wait, or at least be limited to one per week, per child. Ideally, team sports are more appropriate for children 9 and older and music lessons don’t need to be pursued until grade school. Try not to combine all of these activities for your child to do at the same time. For the fall, if you must, sign your child up for one activity and choose another for the spring, and another for summer.

Keep providing a slow, consistent, supportive environment for your child while their soul fever runs its course. Don’t schedule more play-dates during this time. Just because you received 2-3 birthday invitations in one weekend doesn’t mean you need to attend all of them! It’s okay to put limits around your schedule so your children have more free time and can experience boredom at least once each day. Good, healthy food and plenty of rest are the two most important things you can provide children under 7. Snacks of fruit, veggies, and protein, dinners that include fiber and greens and an early bed time are going to nurture that spirit back to harmony.

To read more about soul fever, be sure to purchase a copy of Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.

Tags: bedtime, Children Under Age 7, family culture, feelings, Kim John Payne, rhythm, routine, simplicity parenting, sleep, soul fever, The Will
Posted in 10 Days to a Calmer Family | 3 Comments »

Your New Super Power: Predictability

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

I know that if someone told me that I could see more cooperation, less tantrums, and find more peace with a brand new super power, I would be the first in line. The good news is that you can claim your super power and can start reaping the benefits in a very short time.

The bad news is that it does require you to pull in a bit, shuffle some things around, and invite the thought to let some things go. Are you willing to try it in order to see what might transpire in your home with your young children?

Children thrive on predictability. One of the things that has helped me is understanding that our children think in pictures. They really need these visual images to help them understand what is happening, what you expect, and what it is exactly you want them to do. So, for example, on Mondays at our regular play date it can be really difficult for my son to be ready to go when it’s time. Instead of just announcing, “Okay, it’s time to go now,” I will prepare him in advance.

“Keats, in 5 minutes we’re going to get off the trampoline, get our coats on, and say good-bye.” I try to be brief but specific about each step. My goal is to create a visual image of him doing each thing that will lead us to the exit.

I know that there are families that really struggle with creating predictable rhythms. What is great to understand is that you don’t have to have your whole day mapped out in order for this super power to take affect. Create one or two things that you can create for your children that happens every day that is the same, predictable ritual. Meal times and bed times are a great place to start. If you can’t have a predictable dinner time, choose to have a predictable bed time.

One of our own mamas in the noblemother community shared this experience she had with her 3 year old this past weekend when they altered the Saturday morning routine. It’s truly amazing how balanced and even-tempered our children can become, the more rhythmical our days are. We can fully understand the power of the routine when we change things up!

Perhaps that’s one reason you haven’t wanted to create predictable routines in your family – you want your children to be able to adapt to the winds of change and to be spontaneous. I think on some level, we can all say that leading this unpredictable lifestyle day-in and day-out is stressful. Finding more rhythm for yourself will bring you more peace and a feeling of control which provides all of us with security.

Young children under age 7 respond well to routines. Here are some ideas for setting up daily routines that can help young children comply with the every day tasks…

- Create a special wake up routine. This might include kisses on the cheeks and a song.

“Good morning sun, good morning sun!
The night is gone, the day’s begun.
I’m certain while we work and play that God with help us through the day!”

- Light a candle for breakfast and let the children take turns blowing it out each day.
- Have the children practice their instruments (if they have them) after breakfast, rather than the afternoon.
- Before they get their coats on, have them check the outdoor thermometer.
- Set an egg timer while they brush their teeth or have them hum the Happy Birthday song.
- Incorporate movement and song as much as you can around things like washing their hands, setting the table, getting dressed, saying “good-night.”
- Keep afternoons reserved for free play – bike riding, outdoor play, a walk – rather than consistently scheduled. One scheduled activity per week is more than enough for young children.
- Have them put their clothes out the night before they go to sleep.
-Don’t be afraid of letting your kids get bored. Boredom leads children toward creativity. Without enough downtime, they may never have the opportunity to really let their imaginations soar or their creativity bloom.

I’d love for you to share some of your own helpful daily rituals with us. What routine has brought your family joy and more peacefulness?

Want to read more about predictability and rhythm? Check Out This Book!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, discipline, family culture, rhythm, routine, simplicity parenting
Posted in rhythm | No Comments »

Tears, Misbehavior, & The Importance of Rhythm

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Hi Raelee,

I just wanted to let you know of a really rewarding experience I had with B this morning.

After a super hectic holiday and quite an extended period of disrupted routine, I was noticing a lot of “behaviors”. He was more easily frustrated, more quick to resort to tears and shouting “no”, hitting, and throwing. His attention span was greatly diminished. And he was playing on his own A LOT less (he generally plays calmly about 50% of our day). Yesterday, I was feeling pretty low about the whole situation myself which, of course, just seemed to make matters worse.

This morning, I stopped negotiating. I stopped trying to make it easier for him. I stopped trying to compromise, to please him. I refused to play trucks when he wanted me to, offering cuddles, stories, block or play dough instead. I refused to get out another activity when he immediately gave up on the first one he had requested.

And, guess what? He cried a lot. He pulled my arms and insisted. He threw something. I took it away (that’s the rule). He flailed his arms at me. I said, “You may not hurt me. I will not let you hit.” And he went for his blanket and his binky and self soothed for about 5 minutes. Then he latched on to something else and we went through the same routine.

I stuck with my answers. I re-emphasized the expectations and the boundaries of what was acceptable. Rather than catering to him in an effort to make things easier on us both – which I had been doing out of exhaustion and frustration since the holidays – I stated the rule and I stuck by it. And I didn’t go along with what he wanted to do when I knew I would be miserable and resentful.

And that was it. He was back to his calm, cheerful, focused self – the little guy I had been missing since the hectic holidays. Woo Hoo for routine! We had a fabulous day together, going through the familiar daily rituals. And the suppertime breakdowns in the evening were even far improved over the past couple of days. I feel like he really just needed the parameters drawn again and that’s why he had been “acting up”. It just took me a while to catch on!

Peace,
S.

Thanks so much to S. for sharing her success story! I hope this supports the noble mother community as we strive to figure out the best way to respond to our children when they are challenged by their own daily inner work. I would recommend reading this article about tears and crying by Aletha Solter to continue your understanding about the necessity of allowing children the space to work out their own stress, anxiety, and traumas through crying. I welcome your success stories as well as your parenting challenges, mamas!!

~Raelee

Tags: Aletha Solter, assertiveness, Aware Parenting, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, discipline, family culture, fortitude, independence, rhythm, rituals, routine, self-discipline, tantrums, teaching, tears
Posted in rhythm | 3 Comments »

Navigating Nap Time

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

My youngest is turning 4 this month. He still needs a nap. I keep waiting for the days to arrive when he survives the afternoon without falling asleep or without falling apart (if he doesn’t squeeze in a nap).

Nope, not yet. Like clockwork, he gets sleepy and weary around 1pm. It’s become a taboo to talk about the nap.

“Is it nap time now?” he’ll ask with worry.

I gently answer, “yeah, it’s that time again.”

“Noooooo!” he emphatically responds.

For the past couple of years nap time appeared in our day in one of several ways.

1. He falls asleep on his own in the car or on the couch and I can easily transfer him to his bed. (Yeah, isn’t that crazy that he will let me transfer him from one location to another?? He’ll even transfer from or to a stroller! It’s unbelievable luck).

2. He is awake but desperately in need of a nap and I pick him up and carry him to our bed, snuggle next to him while he cries and protests. All the while reassuring him. Within moments his protests melt into a warm snuggle and he lets go to sleep. I’ve enjoyed many an afternoon nap with this munchkin as well as enjoyed slipping away from his sleepy arms to enjoy a cup of tea and blogging.

3. Big tears and upset over the very idea of a nap. This has become a norm these past few days. We’ve decided to call nap, “quiet time.”

Yesterday he puttered around quietly, reverently reading in honor of “quiet time.” Then he came to me with a sad and whiny voice, “I’m bored. I don’t know what to do.” I held out my arms and he crawled into them and fell right to sleep. I transferred him to the couch with ease.

Today, he fell asleep on our way home from preschool and I transferred him to the couch where he lies sleeping now.

With my oldest, now 7, I remember having a very specific nap time routine. We would read a story, and I would sing 2 songs all the while rocking in the glider rocker until she fell asleep. It would take between 5-20 minutes on any given afternoon.

She was trickier – absolutely did not transfer well from one location to another. I got it down to an art when I was home and transferred her from my arms to her bed by holding my body close to her on the release until she settled back into her sleep. I remembered feeling so overwhelmed on the days she woke up during transfer and wouldn’t go back to sleep!

Both my children have taught me that when I maintain the boundary around their sleep, they are happier and better behaved. I’ve taken in stride now the nap ebb and flow with my one and only napper – the tantrum afternoons prior to nap versus the flow of falling into sleep without difficulty.

Both of my children require transition time after their nap most days. It means holding them upon wake-up, not talking too much, and having some extra cuddle time until they are ready to embrace the awake world once again.

What are your biggest challenges with nap time?

Or what are nap patterns that have helped you and your child?

Tags: Children Under Age 7, nap time, routine, sleep, tantrums, toddler
Posted in routines | No Comments »

Day 9: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

Something that has significantly reduced my stress, which has reduced my mommy tantrums has been implementing the idea of Kim John Payne’s simplicity. It’s round 2 this week as I again go through the kids’ toys and clothes and get rid of things that they’ve outgrown, are broken, or just need to be stored and recycled for another day. With fewer toys and books, the children play better and longer independently!

Day 9

Simplify your home.

In Payne’s book Simplicity Parenting, he suggests that parents look at several areas to work on. Toys and books are a big area. We have a space in our storage area for the “extras.” There’s a basket for my 3 year old’s plastic animals, bookshelves of their books, and bins of others toys. In the play room, we’re keeping things simple and less cluttered – with just some of their favorite toys. Each month or so, the children can go up to the storage area and exchange their toys with a few others to keep things interesting.

As many of you know, we have also eliminated television. We have been 95% TV-Free since November. The few exceptions have been when we are at a relative’s home or to watch a special show with the family. We’ve also turned off the radio. We no longer listen to the commercials and the pop-culture music of the Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, and Miley Cyrus that come across the sound waves while driving to school.

These two areas – the stuff and the media – have calmed things down in our home and car. There’s less whining, demanding, and tantruming with less things and less noise. I don’t have to negotiate the media and the children are so much more engaged in their play with less.

Hope this inspires you to simplify!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, discipline, family culture, intention, Kim John Payne, rhythm, routine, screens, self-discipline, simplicity parenting, toys, Waldorf
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | 3 Comments »

Day 4: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

You’re on Day 4 of your 12 Day Challenge! By now you may be realizing that you have been expecting too much from your child and because your expectations are often not fulfilled, you feel frustrated and angry with her.

I’m sure that just reflecting and striving to implement some of these new strategies has worn you out.

Let’s agree one more time for the record that parenting is hard work. It’s a job that stretches you. Your core qualities are being tested beyond what you think you can even manage at times. You wouldn’t be the first mama to feel overwhelmed by the tasks of consistency and fortitude!

At this point in our coaching, however, I want you to put some thought into the idea that “all behavior is communication.” Obviously, you could immediately think of your own child and contemplate what her behavior is communicating to you, especially the challenging behaviors.

But I want you to think about yourself instead. How often are you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and angry? Think about a scale from 1 to 10. Say 10 is your rage, your absolute boiling point. Where are you on this scale most of the time?

If you’re thinking you probably fall between 5 and 10 most days, I want you to reflect on this for a moment: You already understand and acknowledge that young children will be noisy, messy, and they will most assuredly push your buttons. Their brains are still developing; they are still learning how the world works, how their own emotions work.

You’re the emotionally mature one, mama, in this scenario.

Day 4

You need to take care of yourself and your own needs. If your anger and frustration consistently stay between 5 and 10, I invite you to entertain the thought that you are communicating a message to the world. You might be communicating, “I need a break! I need support! I need to rest! I need solitude!”

There’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about needing to be away from your children now and again! In fact, it is absurd of you to expect yourself not to have regular times away in order for you to refuel, to re-energize.

If you don’t have regular dates with your spouse, schedule one sooner rather than later.

If childcare is a problem preventing you from taking a break when you need one, connect with some other moms and create a babysitting co-op. When my first child was just a baby we had a co-op with a few other families in our neighborhood. It was amazing! I would sit for a mom while her kids slept so she could go out with her husband and then she would do the same for me on another night for me and mine.

Another great way to recharge regularly is creating an early bedtime for your little ones. One of the best ways I refuel is knowing that my nights belong to me. I value a 7 or 7:30pm bedtime for my kids. I value it so much that I actually get disappointed when we have things scheduled in the evenings that will hinder me from getting them to bed early! From 7:30pm until 11pm, I can attend a mom’s night out, read, blog, scrapbook, watch a show, call a friend, snuggle with my hubby… the possibilities are endless.

Moms tell me all the time that their kids won’t go to sleep early. I’m sure there are exceptions, but this past summer when I took care of my niece and nephew for 3 weeks along with my own 2, I wasn’t surprised when I had them bathed, jammied, storied, and beded by 8pm. That was exceptional considering that they don’t have a regular early bedtime at their own house.

I LOVE the bedtime routine. It means restorative, healthy, sweet quiet is on its way. I truly believe that all mothers can have this, especially once your children are 2.5 or older. We started both of our kids on an early bedtime since birth. It evolved since nursing and fears and sickness and teething – all of these things do play a part in interrupted evening time for awhile. I forged through and there was a time when my oldest actually needed to go to bed by 6:30pm in order to sleep well! It was amazing!

But I digress…

The bottom line? If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And if you’re pulling your hair out most of the day with your kids, then you aren’t happy and it means you are in desperate need of some personal, daily respite. It’s not a guilty pleasure, it’s a necessity. I invite you to pursue it!

Tags: bedtime, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, family culture, intention, routine, Self-Care, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | 2 Comments »

Day Two: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

I hope you had some fun trying out Day One’s task of keeping quiet and moving into action when you made a request of your young child. How did that go? Did you find it difficult not to remind or negotiate or compromise with your child when they put up defiance? Or did your child actually listen to your request even though it was nonverbal? Be sure to check in by making comments each day where I can respond to your experience.

Okay, so here we are on Day Two of our goal to stop yelling. I’ve said it before and I will say it again and again.

Young children will behave best when they have rhythm, routine, structure, and rituals in place.

If you have a child who behaves well at preschool for his teachers but does not behave as well at home – it may have to do with lack of routine at home.

School provides predictability for children and they thrive on it. They know what comes next and that creates a sense of security and calm for a child.

Now, you may think that I am suggesting that you run your home like a preschool, (i.e. 7am breakfast, 9am books, 9:15 potty break, 9:30 art project, 9:50 outdoor play, etc). No, no, no. Who could do that, right? That’s completely unrealistic for us.

What can be realistic is a general rhythm for days we can fully control (days we don’t have our in-laws in town, or days we don’t have to wait at the driver’s license office for 2 hours, etc). I’m sure that 1/2 your week is made of days that could run smoother if you planned ahead.

I’ve posted some great ideas on creating more rhythm when it comes to creating that daily rhythm here and here.

Day Two

Create more predictability for your kids. Jot down your own daily rhythm.

What can you make more predictable?
You will yell less if you feel more organized.
Can you shop on a Sunday evening by yourself while your husband or your mom watches the kids for you?
Or what about creating an indoor space that has less toys and clutter for the children to play?

Children behave better when their blood sugar is kept in-check. So, if nothing else, start putting in place predictable time for them to refuel…

a morning snack (like raisins, granola, or some fruit),
a regular lunch time,
an afternoon snack (make sure it includes protein like yogurt, or cheese, or peanut butter, or beans),
and a regular family dinner (it’s okay if the kids eat lighter because of their high-protein afternoon snack).

A predictable bedtime routine is also another area to improve upon. For example,…

after dinner it’s bath time around our house,
then it’s time to get into jammies,
brush teeth,
prayers,
stories,
and kisses & hugs
- lights out

It’s the same for us every night – even most weekends and holidays (there are always exceptions, but really, we strive to keep to the predictable because we enjoy our children and they enjoy us when we do).

Sure, we got the initial refusal to get into the bath or brush teeth. What did we do? We started the water running and began helping the kiddos out of their clothes, got the toothbrushes ready (I remember lifting my little guy up onto the sink with gentleness dipping him in my arms with a smile on my face and brushing his teeth for him – without anger or aggression) – maybe in a silly way or by racing them to the bathroom or telling them to get their favorite water toy or simply just saying, “bath time” – no negotiation, no argument, it’s just going to be done. We’re confident and sure of what comes next so that they are too.

Okay, mama. I want to hear from you. What part of the day needs more predictability? What is your plan to make it that way? You can do this!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, family culture, intention, rhythm, routine, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
Posted in 12 Days to Stop Yelling | 2 Comments »

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Posts Tagged ‘routine’

Day 9

Day 4

Young children will behave best when they have rhythm, routine, structure, and rituals in place.

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