Posts Tagged ‘bedtime’

Sweet Connection

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Since returning from Seattle this past Tuesday night, I’ve had two full days of sweet connections with my little ones. Both haven’t felt quite well – chest colds and sniffles. The morning of my return I got to spend some quiet morning time with my 7 year old, brushing her hair and picking out her clothes.

She was genuinely happy to see me and it felt wonderful to hold her and listen to her stories once again. My 4 year old woke up shortly there after and came bounding down the hallway into my arms. His little body fits so perfectly in my arms, with his legs wrapped around my waist, his arms around my neck.

The night before I had sat next to a mom in fatigues on the plane ride home. She told me that she’d been away from her 1 year old and 4 year old since just after Halloween; 4.5 months without her husband and children. It’s hard to imagine that kind of time passing without the snuggles of little arms. I felt gratitude, appreciation, empathy, and compassion all in one moment sitting next to that mama.

Tonight I rocked my 7 year old after my youngest fell asleep. She and I used to rock together every night before bedtime. We had special songs and prayers which felt right in singing and saying tonight during our nightly bedtime routine. She’s growing up so fast and I know that her long legs won’t fit across mine for much longer.

There really is nothing like it when you can be fully in the moment as a mama. It doesn’t happen all the time or, at least, I haven’t yet mastered the skill of round-the-clock mindfulness. I’m just really appreciating when the moment finds me. I’m hoping you’re finding these moments within the mayhem of motherhood too.

Tags: bedtime, Children Under Age 7, communication, family culture, listening, rhythm
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Part 1: Getting Wee Ones to Sleep

Monday, January 18th, 2010

There are 4 critical areas that need a parent’s attention and appropriate response when it comes to bringing out the best in our children: rhythm, sleep, nutrition, and media exposure.

For many of us in the noble mother community we adhere to the principles of attachment parenting.

Many families have found that a period of co-sleeping works well for establishing good sleep from the beginning.

For some, however, it isn’t an easy formula. There is sleeplessness and overwhelm around the bedtime routine and sleeping habits that evolve as our babies turn into toddlers and preschoolers.

Mamas wonder if they have done more harm than good, especially when their wee ones sleep restlessly and night waking becomes a pattern well past the first year. Many parents share that they intuitively feel that sleeping with their baby worked for a time and then evolved into something that stopped working well. These mamas don’t want their baby to cry by themselves but sometimes sleep is not coming easily for anyone in the house using the sure-fire tools of nursing on demand and co-sleeping.

At the time of my first baby it seemed there were two camps of opinion – co-sleeping and cry-it-out.

I remember the stressful, sleepless nights when my daughter was 9 months old. She would wake every 30 minutes to nurse, to be re-settled into sleep. I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted. Motherhood was not a joy, it was an endless chore. My lack of sleep dulled every experience with her. I craved sleep. I was just trying to survive.

“We live in a society that puts a lot of value on independence. This may be fine for adults but is not as fine for babies. It often leads us to expect babies and small children to be more independent than they are biologically ready to be. It also puts a lot of pressure on parents to push their children toward independence even when they are small babies and toddlers.” ~ AP FAQ Quote

Clients frequently contact me for parent coaching support to help them find a nurturing way to get their children to sleep better.

If I could go back in time and do things better with my own two children around sleep when they were babies I would. I’ve learned so much about development, expectations, needs, and emotions from both Waldorf and Aware Parenting philosophies.

Of course, from Waldorf, rhythm is critical to helping children sleep well. I can say that I was very predictable at bedtime for my children but naps were challenging, with my first especially.

The biggest key to better sleep is in the Aware Parenting philosophy. It’s very important for a new mother to know the different needs of her baby. Babies sleep when they are tired, play when they want to learn, eat when they’re hungry, and cry when they need to release stress.

Babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers can become over-stimulated easily, especially in our culture today. We have so many lights, sounds, smells, and temperature changes for a little body to take in.

Looking back, it is very clear to me that my first born, who was born via C-section, was never allowed to heal from her birth trauma through crying. She was a very fussy baby for me and I did what any new mama would do, I nursed her, jiggled her, swayed her, rocked her, and walked with her to get her to stop crying.

Once a baby’s needs of hunger, cold/hot, sleep, and diaper changing have been met, moms can allow their baby or young child to cry to release their tensions from the day, birth trauma, or over-stimulation.

Babies and young children should not be left alone to cry.

Crying-in-arms or companioning your child through their emotional release is the goal. With a baby or child who has never been allowed to cry their tensions or stress out, this can be a challenging time for both child and parent. We don’t like to hear our children crying.

A fussy, whiny, or agitated baby or child is showing signs of needing to release stress. Offering this young child the opportunity to nurse or to use a pacifier, is just shutting the needed stress release down and restless sleep will, more than likely, result.

I highly recommend that you read a full-length article on this topic here. We will continue to explore getting young children to sleep more in Part 2: Getting Wee Ones to Sleep.

Tags: Aletha Solter, Aware Parenting, bedtime, birth, Children Under Age 7, choices, development, feelings, independence, napping, rhythm, sleep, tantrums, Waldorf
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Day 4: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

You’re on Day 4 of your 12 Day Challenge! By now you may be realizing that you have been expecting too much from your child and because your expectations are often not fulfilled, you feel frustrated and angry with her.

I’m sure that just reflecting and striving to implement some of these new strategies has worn you out.

Let’s agree one more time for the record that parenting is hard work. It’s a job that stretches you. Your core qualities are being tested beyond what you think you can even manage at times. You wouldn’t be the first mama to feel overwhelmed by the tasks of consistency and fortitude!

At this point in our coaching, however, I want you to put some thought into the idea that “all behavior is communication.” Obviously, you could immediately think of your own child and contemplate what her behavior is communicating to you, especially the challenging behaviors.

But I want you to think about yourself instead. How often are you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and angry? Think about a scale from 1 to 10. Say 10 is your rage, your absolute boiling point. Where are you on this scale most of the time?

If you’re thinking you probably fall between 5 and 10 most days, I want you to reflect on this for a moment: You already understand and acknowledge that young children will be noisy, messy, and they will most assuredly push your buttons. Their brains are still developing; they are still learning how the world works, how their own emotions work.

You’re the emotionally mature one, mama, in this scenario.

Day 4

You need to take care of yourself and your own needs. If your anger and frustration consistently stay between 5 and 10, I invite you to entertain the thought that you are communicating a message to the world. You might be communicating, “I need a break! I need support! I need to rest! I need solitude!”

There’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about needing to be away from your children now and again! In fact, it is absurd of you to expect yourself not to have regular times away in order for you to refuel, to re-energize.

If you don’t have regular dates with your spouse, schedule one sooner rather than later.

If childcare is a problem preventing you from taking a break when you need one, connect with some other moms and create a babysitting co-op. When my first child was just a baby we had a co-op with a few other families in our neighborhood. It was amazing! I would sit for a mom while her kids slept so she could go out with her husband and then she would do the same for me on another night for me and mine.

Another great way to recharge regularly is creating an early bedtime for your little ones. One of the best ways I refuel is knowing that my nights belong to me. I value a 7 or 7:30pm bedtime for my kids. I value it so much that I actually get disappointed when we have things scheduled in the evenings that will hinder me from getting them to bed early! From 7:30pm until 11pm, I can attend a mom’s night out, read, blog, scrapbook, watch a show, call a friend, snuggle with my hubby… the possibilities are endless.

Moms tell me all the time that their kids won’t go to sleep early. I’m sure there are exceptions, but this past summer when I took care of my niece and nephew for 3 weeks along with my own 2, I wasn’t surprised when I had them bathed, jammied, storied, and beded by 8pm. That was exceptional considering that they don’t have a regular early bedtime at their own house.

I LOVE the bedtime routine. It means restorative, healthy, sweet quiet is on its way. I truly believe that all mothers can have this, especially once your children are 2.5 or older. We started both of our kids on an early bedtime since birth. It evolved since nursing and fears and sickness and teething – all of these things do play a part in interrupted evening time for awhile. I forged through and there was a time when my oldest actually needed to go to bed by 6:30pm in order to sleep well! It was amazing!

But I digress…

The bottom line? If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And if you’re pulling your hair out most of the day with your kids, then you aren’t happy and it means you are in desperate need of some personal, daily respite. It’s not a guilty pleasure, it’s a necessity. I invite you to pursue it!

Tags: bedtime, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, family culture, intention, routine, Self-Care, self-discipline, simplicity parenting
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Scared At Night

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Question From Lynn: Looking for your ideas….my dd has decided she’s afraid of shadows and doesn’t want to stay in her room when we put her to bed at night. So we’re back to staying with her until she falls asleep, and even then, she comes into our room during the night if she wakes up. Showing her what a shadow is has not changed her mind about them. She won’t be disuaded that they can’t hurt her.

Noble Mother Responds:

Hi Lynn,

There does seem to be an ebb and flow to bedtime fears. Try getting rid of the shadows by leaving her light on. We leave the kids’ lights on and then turn them out before we go to bed.

I think the goal is to help her feel safe in her room – leaving lights on, music, special toy – sometimes these rituals help. A really clever technique that works beautifully for ours is sitting in the rocking chair while they’re falling asleep when they are particularly freaked out and then I’ll say, “Oh, I’ll be right back I have to get the laundry out of the dryer. You go ahead and lie down and I’ll be right back.” I do this for about 5-10 minutes and they are usually fast asleep by my 3rd trip.

We also talk about God always there to protect them. We have a special protection prayer that they both know and we tell them that saying the prayer will help them fall asleep and bring their protection angels to them. I have a picture of 2 children walking along a path and there’s a guardian angel hovering above them. I had it on my wall when I was little and now they have it. They like that.

We’ve also built into our credit system a way to earn gems when you stay in your bed all night. It’s a great incentive!

What I’m learning is that the more tools I provide for them to create their safety and security, the better. If I allow their safety to be only about being with me, in my bed, then that becomes a crutch. However, I’m a big believer in following your intuition. I follow my gut some nights when I know that staying in their room reading or working on my laptop until they’re asleep is just what they need to feel secure.

I’d love for other moms to respond as well. If you have great bedtime tips for Lynn, please share!

Tags: bedtime, fears, routine
Posted in rituals | 3 Comments »

Posts Tagged ‘bedtime’

Sweet Connection

Part 1: Getting Wee Ones to Sleep

Day 4: 12 Days to Stop Yelling

Day 4

Scared At Night

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