Are we helping our children when we encourage them at 3, 4, and 5 to have a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”? Does it make sense to let your tween or teen spend extended time alone with another tween or teen whom they are attracted?  Will it help them manage their sexual impulse to watch movies and television programs that promote sexual relationships?

The teenage brain has not developed the ability to understand consequences.  Thus, when a tween or teen makes a choice they are truly living in the moment, they are not mentally capable of anticipating an outcome.  To understand the development of the teen and what their challenges are in today’s world, I highly recommend this presentation.

Why are we talking about teens, again??  We MUST know where we are going so we know what our young children need to hear, see, and learn to better prepare them.  We must not be afraid to teach our children how the world works and what we know about it that will help them make healthy choices so they can live their best life.  Young people today are lost, confused, emotionally distraught, and detached.

Parents must  guide their children with confidence.  Know what you value, what you believe.  I frequently make reference to what kind of future lies ahead for my children.

“One day you will go to high school like your cousin Jordan.  You will go on your year of service.  Mommy went to Canada for a year or like your cousin Maia, she went to Ecuador or Auntie Kate who went to Ireland.  You can see the world!  Then you can go to college like Leyla - maybe you’ll play an instrument too!  Her guitar sure is cool.  You never know, you may fall in love on one of your adventures and then get married and one day be a mommy too.”

Do you value the institution of marriage?  Do you plan to teach your child that sex is wonderful within the context of marriage - why or why not?

Part 1: Let’s Take the Politics Out of Sexual Morality
Sexy TV Shows Can Get You Pregnant
Prevent Risky Teenage Behavior When Your Child is a Toddler

Because of this, I am reflecting more and more about how I take care of myself and model to my children how to make healthy choices.

For me, finding comfort in chocolate chip cookies or brownies when I want “down-time” is an old habit from childhood.  It’s hard to break.  There was nothing more fun and bonding then a movie on the couch with my mom or my sister with a few warm chocolate chip cookies!

If I could find the same satisfaction and solace in something healthy - a baked apple with cinnamon or a stroll after dinner or stamping a card for a friend, I’d feel better and be in better shape!

I may never completely fill that space I’ve created in the past 30 years for chocolate with fruit, exercise, or a hobby, but I can create healthy habits for my children by making better choices for myself.  It’s not simple, but sometimes it’s necessary to go through the back door in order to get in the house at all. What I mean by that is - sometimes I find it easier to take care of myself and my own needs by thinking about how it will benefit my family.  My children are still young and these years 0-7 are so critical in laying foundations for healthy habits.

What habit do you want to change in order to model better behavior for your children?

Unfortunately, as an adult and a parent myself, I’m fully aware that to stick up for what is “moral” is not politically correct, unless you want to advertise to the world that you are on the extreme right.  Which I am not.

For example, I fully expect my children to be modest and chaste until marriage.  We are raising our kids in a very sexually corrupt and desensitized culture.  Marriage is not a sacred institution and life is not about finding purpose, it is about finding happiness.  The acceptable motto of today’s generation is “if it feels good, do it.” Shockingly, parents adhere to this motto as well.

Sexuality is a part of us - a beautiful part of who we are.  It does not define us.  The sexual impulse is intense for our kids as they enter tweendom.  Developmentally, the official sex talk we hear so much about is one to have with your child as early as the age of 8.  It is this age that a child is curious and factual about things and may not be as squirrely and silly about the terms and details of sexual intercourse.

Do you believe you can educate your child about sex, safe sex, and also provide a context for the sexual impulse within a committed marriage?  Is waiting to have sex until marriage unrealistic for you, therefore you won’t encourage it?  Share your opinion - all thoughts are welcome.  Do you have to be a republican to believe in chastity??

Okay, so we understand that co-sleeping is intuitive, it feels right if we ignore our detached culture, and many families benefit from it with more sleep and deeper connection with their children.

Unfortunately, not every family can create the family bed.  For a successful family bed it is important to agree with your partner that this is what you both want to do.  The marriage relationship needs to come first.  Children need parents who love each other and respect one another.  It is better for you to have a healthy marriage where the children sleep elsewhere than to have a marriage on the brink with a family bed.

If your partner is against the family bed, you can choose to connect with your child during sleep during nap times.  If there are other reasons the family bed isn’t working for you, (e.g. you can’t sleep, your child can’t sleep), then here are some other ways to get the wee ones to bed without separation and isolation:

• Create a sibling bed - put a mattress on the floor and invite the sibs to sleep together.  This is best for children 18 months up to elementary age.
• Put a twin mattress on the floor or a toddler bed or attach a side-car bed next to your bed where the baby, toddler, or young child can sleep.
• Provide a bed for each child and agree to lie down with your child until he or she falls asleep or provide a time limit (e.g. I will read you a story and listen to a song with you, and kiss you goodnight).

The most important thing to remember is that young children need to feel secure at night.  In the darkness, when the house is still, the world can be a big scary place.  The next important thing to recognize is that sleep is critical.  Without sleep you will not parent well.  Moms who co-sleep or want to co-sleep sometimes sacrifice so much sleep that they are raw with emotion most of the time.

Do not put your parenting philosophy before your health.  Remember, even though the majority of the world co-sleeps, the majority of the world also gets a lot more support with the parenting tasks and duties than we do in our culture.

Share your sleeping arrangments with us!  Have you had to think outside the box in order to obtain sleep in your house?

Date: Thursday, November 20, 2008
Time: 11:00am EST
Topic: Temper Tantrums 101
Listen Here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nobleMother
Call-in #: (646) 378-1370

The best part?  You get to call-in with your questions and comments!  Once you visit my BTR station home page, you can sign-up to be reminded about up-coming shows.  Rather than boring you with a typical teleclass each month, I will be hosting the show with another nobleMother mom to discuss our topic.  Parents can call in and be part of the discussion and hang-out with us on the show or just call in to ask something or add to the discussion.

Find out the details about Thursday’s show on Temper Tantrums 101 here.

My ds, at only 2.5, understood the concept.  The other morning he cried in defiance because he insisted on wearing a short sleeved shirt while I firmly stated that today he needed another shirt on top with long sleeves.  Big tears rolled down his cheeks and he pulled and yanked at his shirts.  I felt frustrated and exasperated.  His desire to wear summer apparrell in November was getting so old!  I could feel my adrenaline pumping through my veins and my brain swirling with high emotion as his shrieks and foot stamping danced on my head like staccato piano notes.

Deep breath.  In and out.  This was a moment for a PAUSE.  “Okay,” I asked myself, “What is my intention?”  Hmmm…I thought.  I want him to be comfortable, settled, and warm.  I want to teach him that in hot weather we wear short sleeves and in cold weather we wear long sleeves.  I want to be calm and not let his upset ruin my day.  I sat and took my PAUSE for about 30-60 seconds.  I heard him stop shrieking and stomping.  He found me, sitting quietly, taking my pause.  He crawled up into my lap and said, “Let’s start over.”

Next time your child provides you with an opportunity to be annoyed, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, make a conscious effort to PAUSE.  Just like hitting the “pause” button on your DVD player, you want to briefly take a moment to reflect on “what is my intention?”  This brief moment will help you stay in your thinking brain rather than slip down into your emotional brain stem.  You will be able to then respond to your child rather than react.

What behaviors do your children do that send your brain swirling?

LISTEN NOW

The most effective discipline for the young child has to do with the self-education of the adults around the child. (Beyond the Rainbow Bridge, p 108)

In the Kingdom of Childhood, Rudolf Steiner says that the child in the first seven years is really an eye.  If someone has fits of temper and becomes furiously angry either with the child or in the presence of the child, the child will have the picture of this outburst throughout his entire being.  As a result, this inner picture passes over into the processes of blood circulation, breathing, and metabolism, and, according to Steiner, the results remain in the child for the rest of his or her life.  Everything we do in the presence of the child goes in deeply.  Scolding, threats, and yelling do not help in disciplining young children.  This approach may actually weaken their ability to deal with situations later in life.  They get a little shock from these experiences.  If these shocks occur regularly, children create barriers to protect themselves.  Their souls harden a bit, and we find that we just can’t seem to get through to them.

If we preach at a child, she does not really hear the message because she must erect a barrier against the anger we are emanating.  This barrier prevents her from perceiving our message.  What she will learn is to express anger, distance herself from others, and preach at those who displease her. (ibid 110).

Certainly we can’t expect that we’ll never lose our temper or say something that we regret in the heat of the moment with our kids.  We can not allow this information to make us feel guilty or overwhelmed as mothers.  It is necessary for us to continue to grow and to be knowledgeable about the significance of our every day actions.  Let us be vigilant while at the same time gentle with ourselves.

What are your thoughts about this excerpt?  Does it inspire you or make you feel burdened?

Some of the shows that were listed were Sex in the City, That 70’s Show, and Friends.

What does this have to do with you as a mom of little ones??  Everything.  We are fighting a huge battle with the media as parents.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid we’re losing more than we are winning.  We’ve become so desensitized to the violence, sex, drugs, and rude behavior that flashes before our eyes on our screens, that we have let down our guard with our kids.

I’m shocked that parents of young children encourage and wink at their preschooler or kindergartner’s imitation of adult behavior when it comes to boyfriend and girlfriend games.  My daughter’s kindergarten teacher is concerned about how many of the students can’t keep their hands to themselves all in the name of “he’s my boyfriend.”

I was reading a blog about teaching our children right from wrong and saw the many comments by mothers who felt the author of the blog was unrealistic for suggesting that parents expect their youth to wait to have sex or to become involved in romantic relationships.  The mothers were actually stating that we have to parent with the idea that our kids will be having sex; we just have to accept it.

Not true!  Certainly we don’t raise our kids with blinders on and pretend that hormones and sexual interest don’t exist.  The sexual impulse is strong and very much alive for kids as they enter puberty.  However, our children do not have to be slaves to their impulses.  This natural part of our biology is there but we have the ability to control ourselves.  We’re not animals. We can teach our children both the sacredness of sex and why safe sex is so critical.  It is not about abstinence versus education.  Also, just because you may have had sex as a teen, doesn’t mean your child will.  As your child’s teacher, provide him with a road map for life that will get him from here to there, with some minor traffic violations but not injurious crashes!

Moms, start young. Your 3, 4, and 5 year old doesn’t need to know how babies are made.  But he or she does need to hear about creating family, about love, about the beauty of marriage.  Morals do not have to be about religion or politics.  Morality is about making choices that will help an individual lead the most successful, bountiful life she or he can.

What do you expect?  Think about your values now while your child is little.  How can you inspire your little one to have a healthy vision of creating his or her family in the future?  What are you doing or saying that you think is effective?

Location: Chapel Hill, NC (Address Available Upon Registration)
Dates:  Saturdays, January 3, 10, 17, 24, 31, 2009
Time:  10:00am-12:30pm
Cost:  $259 per person (spouses are free) *Early Bird Registration is $229 if received by December 3, 2008
Child-Care Cost:  (Total for all 5 weeks) $50 for first child, $25 for each additional child.  Caregivers are 18+ and will be providing structured activities, games, snacks, and crafts.  Ratio 1:5 (caregiver to child).
Trained Facilitator: Raelee Peirce

Registration:

Workshop Fee

Early Bird Registration (Before or on 12/03/08) $229.00 Registration (After 12/03/08) $259.00

Child Registration

1 Child $50.00 2 Children $75.00 3 Children $100.00

The 5 week course in detail…

* Would you like your family members to communicate respectfully and peacefully with each other?

* Would you like your children (at any age) to be responsible for their own actions?

* Are your children learning from their mistakes and choosing differently the next time?

* Is setting clear boundaries with relevant consequences a challenge for you?

The Virtues Project™ is an award-winning, non-sectarian program that teaches simple elements of character honored by all cultures and spiritual traditions—52 virtues. This 12-hour course includes the basic principles and the five strategies of The Virtues Project™.

* 5 proven life skill strategies of The Virtues Project™:
o Using the Language of the Virtues to acknowledge, guide and correct
o Recognizing Teachable Moments as guidance for learning life’s lessons
o Setting Clear Boundaries and ground rules with clear, relevant consequences and restorative justice
o Honoring the Spirit through arts, sacred time, nature, and reflection
o The Art of Spiritual Companioning™, a deep listening skill to help others gain clarity

* Hands-on learning with group activities, talks, discussion, role play, reflection, practice, and more
* Dozens of activities that can be used immediately with all ages — children, youth and adults.

Building Strong Families: Parenting with Virtues addresses these issues and more, with five practical strategies based on virtues. Parents find that The Virtues Project strategies make family life more peaceful and joyful for everyone! Based on the premise that all of us have virtues within and that we as parents can draw them forth from our children helps us to focus on the positive and get fabulous results!

“Virtues training taught me the meaning of the Virtue of Detachment. Instead of a hair-trigger temper, I now experience my feelings, but do not get carried away with angry, shaming reactions. I am able to step back and respond with Gentleness to my teenage son. It has improved our relationship and turned it from oppositional to enjoyable!” -April Hale, parent, Seattle, WA