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Archive for the ‘rhythm’ Category

Your New Super Power: Predictability

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

I know that if someone told me that I could see more cooperation, less tantrums, and find more peace with a brand new super power, I would be the first in line.  The good news is that you can claim your super power and can start reaping the benefits in a very short time.

The bad news is that it does require you to pull in a bit, shuffle some things around, and invite the thought to let some things go.  Are you willing to try it in order to see what might transpire in your home with your young children?

Children thrive on predictability. One of the things that has helped me is understanding that our children think in pictures.  They really need these visual images to help them understand what is happening, what you expect, and what it is exactly you want them to do.  So, for example, on Mondays at our regular play date it can be really difficult for my son to be ready to go when it’s time.  Instead of just announcing, “Okay, it’s time to go now,” I will prepare him in advance.

“Keats, in 5 minutes we’re going to get off the trampoline, get our coats on, and say good-bye.”  I try to be brief but specific about each step.  My goal is to create a visual image of him doing each thing that will lead us to the exit.

I know that there are families that really struggle with creating predictable rhythms. What is great to understand is that you don’t have to have your whole day mapped out in order for this super power to take affect.  Create one or two things that you can create for your children that happens every day that is the same, predictable ritual.  Meal times and bed times are a great place to start.  If you can’t have a predictable dinner time, choose to have a predictable bed time.

One of our own mamas in the noblemother community shared this experience she had with her 3 year old this past weekend when they altered the Saturday morning routine.  It’s truly amazing how balanced and even-tempered our children can become, the more rhythmical our days are.  We can fully understand the power of the routine when we change things up!

Perhaps that’s one reason you haven’t wanted to create predictable routines in your family – you want your children to be able to adapt to the winds of change and to be spontaneous.  I think on some level, we can all say that leading this unpredictable lifestyle day-in and day-out is stressful.  Finding more rhythm for yourself will bring you more peace and a feeling of control which provides all of us with security.

Young children under age 7 respond well to routines. Here are some ideas for setting up daily routines that can help young children comply with the every day tasks…

- Create a special wake up routine.  This might include kisses on the cheeks and a song.

“Good morning sun, good morning sun!
The night is gone, the day’s begun.
I’m certain while we work and play that God with help us through the day!”

- Light a candle for breakfast and let the children take turns blowing it out each day.
- Have the children practice their instruments (if they have them) after breakfast, rather than the afternoon.
- Before they get their coats on, have them check the outdoor thermometer.
- Set an egg timer while they brush their teeth or have them hum the Happy Birthday song.
- Incorporate movement and song as much as you can around things like washing their hands, setting the table, getting dressed, saying “good-night.”
- Keep afternoons reserved for free play – bike riding, outdoor play, a walk – rather than consistently scheduled.  One scheduled activity per week is more than enough for young children.
- Have them put their clothes out the night before they go to sleep.
-Don’t be afraid of letting your kids get bored.  Boredom leads children toward creativity.  Without enough downtime, they may never have the opportunity to really let their imaginations soar or their creativity bloom.

I’d love for you to share some of your own helpful daily rituals with us. What routine has brought your family joy and more peacefulness?

Want to read more about predictability and rhythm?  Check Out This Book!

Tags: Children Under Age 7, discipline, family culture, rhythm, routine, simplicity parenting
Posted in rhythm | No Comments »

Tears, Misbehavior, & The Importance of Rhythm

Friday, January 8th, 2010

happyboyHi Raelee,

I just wanted to let you know of a really rewarding experience I had with B this morning.

After a super hectic holiday and quite an extended period of disrupted routine,
I was noticing a lot of “behaviors”. He was more easily frustrated, more quick to resort to tears and shouting “no”, hitting, and throwing. His attention span was greatly diminished. And he was playing on his own A LOT less (he generally plays calmly about 50% of our day). Yesterday, I was feeling pretty low about the whole situation myself which, of course, just seemed to make matters worse.

This morning, I stopped negotiating. I stopped trying to make it easier for him. I stopped trying to compromise, to please him. I refused to play trucks when he wanted me to, offering cuddles, stories, block or play dough instead. I refused to get out another activity when he immediately gave up on the first one he had requested.

And, guess what? He cried a lot. He pulled my arms and insisted. He threw something. I took it away (that’s the rule). He flailed his arms at me. I said, “You may not hurt me. I will not let you hit.” And he went for his blanket and his binky and self soothed for about 5 minutes. Then he latched on to something else and we went through the same routine.

I stuck with my answers. I re-emphasized the expectations and the boundaries of what was acceptable. Rather than catering to him in an effort to make things easier on us both – which I had been doing out of exhaustion and frustration since the holidays – I stated the rule and I stuck by it. And I didn’t go along with what he wanted to do when I knew I would be miserable and resentful.

And that was it. He was back to his calm, cheerful, focused self – the little guy I had been missing since the hectic holidays. Woo Hoo for routine! We had a fabulous day together, going through the familiar daily rituals. And the suppertime breakdowns in the evening were even far improved over the past couple of days. I feel like he really just needed the parameters drawn again and that’s why he had been “acting up”. It just took me a while to catch on!

Peace,
S.

Thanks so much to S. for sharing her success story!  I hope this supports the noble mother community as we strive to figure out the best way to respond to our children when they are challenged by their own daily inner work.  I would recommend reading this article about tears and crying by Aletha Solter to continue your understanding about the necessity of allowing children the space to work out their own stress, anxiety, and traumas through crying.  I welcome your success stories as well as your parenting challenges, mamas!!

~Raelee

Tags: Aletha Solter, assertiveness, Aware Parenting, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, discipline, family culture, fortitude, independence, rhythm, rituals, routine, self-discipline, tantrums, teaching, tears
Posted in rhythm | 3 Comments »

Toddler Nap Challenges

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Question From Shara:NapTimeAtAuntieMoes_Full

I have always felt strongly about the importance of daytime napping.  Fortunately my son (now 25 months) has generally seemed to agree with me on this subject.  He has always been a good napper – going down willingly and easily and sleeping well for about an hour and a half.  However, about a month ago, two things happened.

One was that I put him to sleep at my mom’s house and then left – so I wasn’t there when he awoke in the middle of the night.  The second was a particularly disruptive (i.e. exhausting and sleep deprived) family weekend trip.  And since then he has  become reluctant to fall asleep.

When he does, he sleeps for the same amount of time, so I feel confident that he still needs the sleep.  But I feel guilty about the time we spend trying to get him to sleep.  Like I’m depriving him of valuable play time and new experiences.  Also, his “natural” nap time has always been around 9am (he gets up at 6).  And then he’s really ready for bed too early (like 4pm!)  Have you ever heard of a toddler who takes a morning nap instead of an afternoon nap? (Ok, so this second question is more of a kid question than a parent question, but I thought perhaps you may have some perspective on it.)  Thanks!

Noble Mother Responds:

Hi Shara,

Sleep questions are not a favorite of mine, but it is certainly a popular area of concern for most parents!  All kids are different and certainly only you know your child best.

Naps are a tricky thing as our little ones get older.  What I found helpful to know is that as they get older, they can stay up longer before their next nap.  It sounds like you had a really consistent schedule with your little guy and that he has gotten a bit thrown off by a few recent events.  Let’s look at this as a positive thing and see it as a way to help him transition into a better sleep schedule for his age.

Ideally, a 2 year old goes to bed at 7:30pm, wakes up at 6:30am, and takes his nap at 12:30pm until about 2:30pm.  At 3 years old, he may be able to stay up until 1:30 and sleep until 3pm.  Since your little one is feeling apprehensive about going down for his nap at his regular time, go ahead and experiment with him and let him stay up a little later, playing and exploring, and then try again to put him down and see if it isn’t easier.

You never know!  It could be that these small life events that occurred allowed his body to readjust to a more typical nap schedule than what mama is used to! Let me know how implementing a new nap time works.  In the beginning of the shift he may seem more tired and irritable as he adjusts to the new routine.  Give it a good 7-10 days to work itself out and never go against your own intuition as a mama.  Finding your own family rhythm is more important than following any ol’ schedule.

Warmly,

mysig

Tags: napping, toddler
Posted in rhythm | No Comments »

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