We are almost to the end of our series and it is my hope that it has given you some great food for thought and reflection!
My goal in presenting these posts to you has been to inspire you to become more mindful when communicating with your little ones.
It would defeat the purpose of this series if you have become inspired to communicate more effectively only to become even more overwhelmed by feelings of guilt when you slip back to yelling.
Day 11
Be accountable but don’t beat yourself up with guilt when you make mistakes.
The big reason I don’t want you to feel guilty is because moms who are riddled with guilt become more permissive as parents.
“Permissive parenting leads to the creation of demanding, willful, oppositional children. Stop the cycle by truly forgiving yourself. Forgiveness takes place in three steps, which I call the ‘three R’s of forgiveness.’
First, recognize and accept your feelings. Tell yourself, ‘I feel angry and anxious, and that’s okay.’
Second, reframe the experience. Forget about finding a good guy and a villain. Admit that, given your state of mind, you did your best and so did your child.
Third, request help. Calmly ask your child to work with you in forging new patterns of behavior. Here is an example of what you might say: ‘Last night at bedtime, I screamed at you and spanked you. I did those things because I lost control, not because you are bad. Sometimes I think you want to be my boss. I am your mother and I am in charge. I am going to be a better parent. I am going to work on expressing anger differently – with words spoken firmly’” (Becky Bailey, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline).
You’ll never be the perfect mother. Your child won’t ever be the perfect child. Mistakes allow us the opportunity to grow. Shedding the guilt around making mistakes, forgiving yourself of your transgressions, and making a concerted effort toward mindful communication are all steps in the right direction to becoming more of the mom you want to be.
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Tags: assertiveness, Children Under Age 7, choices, communication, consequences, discipline, feelings, integrity, intention, listening, Self-Care, self-discipline
Hi
I was so grateful to read this post last night. After commenting on how my day have been and before reading the next post I ended up yelling at my 2 kids. It was an hour after they have been put to bed and they were still running around and making jokes. I knew they were tired and I knew we were going to be busy the next day. I felt awful, I have been doing so well, i felt as if I blew it until I read this post just before going to bed.
Thanks
Linn, it’s been so wonderful to read your posts every morning as you work your way through the 12 days. I’m so amazed at your consistency and your efforts. You’re an inspiration to mothers everywhere, including myself! Thank you for sharing your journey with the triumphs and the mistakes – you’re really giving us an honest look at real growth and what it looks like. I will miss hearing from you so please feel free to email me at anytime!
Hi Noblemother
Thank you for your comments. I didn’t know if anyone was reading but I made a commitment to follow the 12 days, I am serious about the change. I will leave a comment on the last day as well.