Question From Lynn: Looking for your ideas….my dd has decided she’s afraid of shadows and doesn’t want to stay in her room when we put her to bed at night. So we’re back to staying with her until she falls asleep, and even then, she comes into our room during the night if she wakes up. Showing her what a shadow is has not changed her mind about them. She won’t be disuaded that they can’t hurt her.
Noble Mother Responds:
Hi Lynn,
There does seem to be an ebb and flow to bedtime fears. Try getting rid of the shadows by leaving her light on. We leave the kids’ lights on and then turn them out before we go to bed.
I think the goal is to help her feel safe in her room – leaving lights on, music, special toy – sometimes these rituals help. A really clever technique that works beautifully for ours is sitting in the rocking chair while they’re falling asleep when they are particularly freaked out and then I’ll say, “Oh, I’ll be right back I have to get the laundry out of the dryer. You go ahead and lie down and I’ll be right back.” I do this for about 5-10 minutes and they are usually fast asleep by my 3rd trip.
We also talk about God always there to protect them. We have a special protection prayer that they both know and we tell them that saying the prayer will help them fall asleep and bring their protection angels to them. I have a picture of 2 children walking along a path and there’s a guardian angel hovering above them. I had it on my wall when I was little and now they have it. They like that.
We’ve also built into our credit system a way to earn gems when you stay in your bed all night. It’s a great incentive!
What I’m learning is that the more tools I provide for them to create their safety and security, the better. If I allow their safety to be only about being with me, in my bed, then that becomes a crutch. However, I’m a big believer in following your intuition. I follow my gut some nights when I know that staying in their room reading or working on my laptop until they’re asleep is just what they need to feel secure.
I’d love for other moms to respond as well. If you have great bedtime tips for Lynn, please share!
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Even though our two year old daughter has been in a “Bench Bed” (she calls it that) for over 2 months now, she recently discovered that she can get out of her room, which she has been doing for the past week in the middle of the night, saying I don’t want to sleep in my room. What is working for us are two things: Having her room as dark as possible, and incentives that we discussed before she went to bed. We noticed that she really disliked any kind of glowing like (orange light from her music player, and green from her humidifier). They wouldn’t necessarily wake her up, but when she was awakened by some night terror, the lights were bothering her. A naturalpath once told me glowing colorful lights in the dark can be a brain stimulus for some people. For the last 3 nights she hasn’t come out. Hope this helps Lynn. Best of Luck.
I have four children three of whom are five. We have had any number of children join us in bed on any given nights and in waves. We have many bedtime rituals, we start with bath, teeth and hair. Then either my husband or I read a book or chapter or two of a book. Then we turn on a noise machine(available at Target in the foot care dept) to waves, turn on a “stary “night light that goes out in 30 min( I got it at Walmart for @$5.)and we say the same thing and leave the room. Every night we tell our children “I love you higher then the sky, Deeper then the ocean and more then words can say” There have been changes on the theme but the feeling is the same . I have no problem with them coming in and they know we are there for them most nights my husband and I are alone….I figure they are not always going to have a the need or desire and will be on their own soon enough as my ten year old has proven. We have a great snuggle in the morning talking about dreams wishes for the day and what we are going to do… luck and sweet dreams. peace B
Barbara,
Wow! Your bedtime ritual is beautiful. I love your giving and peaceful attitude toward your children’s bedtime needs. I am in full agreement, mama. Thank you so much for sharing.