Here’s a Quick Way to Cool Down Before You Blow Up

“We can never have a noble race of men until we have a noble race of mothers.” - Elbert Hubbard

Here’s a Quick Way to Cool Down Before You Blow Up

14 November 2008 111 views 5 Comments

“Every day is a new day.” That is what my son’s preschool teacher said to a group of 3-4 year olds as they created a game on the hay bales and excluded one of their school mates. The morning had just begun and already the children were thinking about the trouble they had in the past with their friend. It took some explaining, but the children soon realized that everyone can start fresh, with a clean slate - there are no mistakes in this beautiful day!

My ds, at only 34 months, understood the concept. The other morning he cried in defiance because he insisted on wearing a short sleeved shirt while I firmly stated that today he needed another shirt on top with long sleeves. Big tears rolled down his cheeks and he pulled and yanked at his shirts. I felt frustrated and exasperated. His desire to wear summer apparel in November was getting so old! I could feel my adrenaline pumping through my veins and my brain swirling with high emotion as his shrieks and foot stamping danced on my head like staccato piano notes.

Deep breath. In and out. This was a moment for a PAUSE. “Okay,” I asked myself, “What is my intention?” Hmmm…I thought. I want him to be comfortable, settled, and warm. I want to teach him that in hot weather we wear short sleeves and in cold weather we wear long sleeves. I want to be calm and not let his upset ruin my day. I sat and took my PAUSE for about 30-60 seconds. I heard him stop shrieking and stomping. He found me, sitting quietly, taking my pause. He crawled up into my lap and said, “Let’s start over.”

Next time your child provides you with an opportunity to be annoyed, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, make a conscious effort to PAUSE. Just like hitting the “pause” button on your DVD player, you want to briefly take a moment to reflect on “what is my intention?” This brief moment will help you stay in your thinking brain rather than slip down into your emotional brain stem. You will be able to then respond to your child rather than react.

What behaviors does your preschooler do that sends your brain swirling?

5 Comments »

Elissa said:

Hitting “pause” is a great idea for when we cannot afford the time it takes to step away and completely regain our cool(ie: when getting ready to get somewhere ON TIME)! Great idea.

BTW–I’ve dealt with this specific problem by letting my ds wear his t-shirt on TOP of his long-sleeve.

# 20 November 2008 at 9:14 am

Gayatri said:

I really needed this reminder today. I found myself getting into explosive mode with both of my wee ones this week. So, how do you get them to stop running amuck through the house, jumping on the couch and dining chairs, “hugging” each other in choking mode and disregarding every firm “stop” or “be gentle” Golly!! I did take the pause yesterday, ironically, head in my hands … because after the 20th stop jumping,you will hurt yourself, I was just plain beat for options. Ok, so I am going to pause before exploding to reconnect with my intention. THANKS!!!

# 20 November 2008 at 11:35 am

Elizabeth said:

my 3.5 year old fighting nap and fighting wearing her slippers can send me swirling. and, with the slippers, they’ll be on for five minutes then off again, so it seems like a CONSTANT issue I get tired of paying attention to! I feel like gluing them on!!

# 20 November 2008 at 3:20 pm

DeeDee said:

My 3.5 yo daughter loves being a big sister . . . but those random acts of violence keep coming. When I hear her little 9 month old sister cry out because she has been hit, scratched, pushed AGAIN, it is all I can do not to explode.

I will try to rescue the baby and then hit pause!

# 24 November 2008 at 12:16 am

Barbara said:

Ok so I have 3, 4year olds and a 9 year old all wanting to wear summer clothes and try as I may to get them out of the house they seem to have a stash….then we get days like the last two …..I get so frustrated and really LOVE the idea of me having a pause. I LOVE the great ideas you have and thank you to help me become a better mother…..instead of a screaming mimi!!! peace to all

# 12 December 2008 at 12:43 pm