Comments on: Get Rid of Preschooler Selfishness Once and For All http://www.noblemother.com/2008/10/the-world-doesnt-revolve-around-you/ “We can never have a noble race of men until we have a noble race of mothers.” - Elbert Hubbard Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:58:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Sally http://www.noblemother.com/2008/10/the-world-doesnt-revolve-around-you/comment-page-1/#comment-49 Sally Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:31:43 +0000 http://www.noblemother.com/?p=518#comment-49 My daughter is 3.5, and one thing we've implemented that has really helped us enjoy outings together is her "points system." It's sort of like an allowance, but isn't measured in $$...She earns one point for doing things at home like unloading the silverware, and putting away her clean clothes in the appropriate drawers. She earned a point today on the playground when she consoled a girl who was feeling left out and lonely. She took her by the hand and said, "I'll play with you!" It took a lot of observation skills and compassion on her part :) When we "study" writing the alphabet or counting in spanish, etc. she gets a point at the end of the lesson if she doesn't give up and completes what we've begun. So, it's a little random and at my discression, but the points add up and she knows when we go to the store how many points she has (It's updated and displayed on the white board side of her easel.) This way when we shop for birthday gifts, groceries, or various sundries when she sees something she wants she asks if she has enough points to buy a treat that she has picked out. 2 points generally equals $1, but again that's my discression. I think she responds so well to this because it isn't arbetrary. Im not saying "no" for no reason. It also helps me because as she is the center of my world (see my next post ;) ), this keeps me in check from buying her everything I see. Re: "You're not the center of the world." This is true, my daughter is not the center of THE world, but she is the center of MY world, and Im not shy about who knows it. She quite literally saved my life and gave me a new appreciation and understanding of God. She is the light of my life. I do not feel like I "no longer exist" like I hear so many frazzled moms admit on the playground. I haven't "disappeared behind her." I am joyfully balanced (although it is a constant juggling act) between my own self care, needs and (most of) my wants AND her needs, happiness and security in the world. I see different parenting styles working for different types of people, but honestly, I see nothing wrong with my daughter being the center of my world. She is kinder and MORE compassionate for it. She is moral in every sense of the word. IT's a full time job, but I believe that raising our children with a strong sense of self-worth yields a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. This will carry forward and get stronger with each generation. One child at a time, I believe we have the power as intentional moms to make this world peaceful and balanced. My daughter is 3.5, and one thing we’ve implemented that has really helped us enjoy outings together is her “points system.” It’s sort of like an allowance, but isn’t measured in $$…She earns one point for doing things at home like unloading the silverware, and putting away her clean clothes in the appropriate drawers. She earned a point today on the playground when she consoled a girl who was feeling left out and lonely. She took her by the hand and said, “I’ll play with you!” It took a lot of observation skills and compassion on her part :) When we “study” writing the alphabet or counting in spanish, etc. she gets a point at the end of the lesson if she doesn’t give up and completes what we’ve begun. So, it’s a little random and at my discression, but the points add up and she knows when we go to the store how many points she has (It’s updated and displayed on the white board side of her easel.) This way when we shop for birthday gifts, groceries, or various sundries when she sees something she wants she asks if she has enough points to buy a treat that she has picked out. 2 points generally equals $1, but again that’s my discression. I think she responds so well to this because it isn’t arbetrary. Im not saying “no” for no reason. It also helps me because as she is the center of my world (see my next post ;) ), this keeps me in check from buying her everything I see.

Re: “You’re not the center of the world.” This is true, my daughter is not the center of THE world, but she is the center of MY world, and Im not shy about who knows it. She quite literally saved my life and gave me a new appreciation and understanding of God. She is the light of my life. I do not feel like I “no longer exist” like I hear so many frazzled moms admit on the playground. I haven’t “disappeared behind her.” I am joyfully balanced (although it is a constant juggling act) between my own self care, needs and (most of) my wants AND her needs, happiness and security in the world.
I see different parenting styles working for different types of people, but honestly, I see nothing wrong with my daughter being the center of my world. She is kinder and MORE compassionate for it. She is moral in every sense of the word. IT’s a full time job, but I believe that raising our children with a strong sense of self-worth yields a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. This will carry forward and get stronger with each generation.
One child at a time, I believe we have the power as intentional moms to make this world peaceful and balanced.

]]> By: Elizabeth http://www.noblemother.com/2008/10/the-world-doesnt-revolve-around-you/comment-page-1/#comment-47 Elizabeth Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:47:32 +0000 http://www.noblemother.com/?p=518#comment-47 This is such a real and constant struggle! One thing that I try to do is make generosity a habit. For us that means that every time we bake bread (which we do with some regularity in the winter months) we give at least a 1/2 a loaf away. My daughter usually loves to help me make bread. As we are mixing the ingredients, we talk about who we might want to give some bread to this week. Then, we knead in our intentions and blessings for that person or family. Then, I try to make sure she is a part of actually giving the bread to the person. That is my goal every time we make bread. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen because of logistical difficulties of getting the bread to the person since my husband usually needs the car to get to work in the winter. But, giving away bread is always my goal and we always talk about it. This winter I'll just have to give it to my neighbors more often if we can't get it to anyone else. They may be enjoying lots of bread this winter! Thanks for this article that reminded my about this practice. I can't wait to get started again and think of other ways to make thinking of others a habit. This is such a real and constant struggle! One thing that I try to do is make generosity a habit. For us that means that every time we bake bread (which we do with some regularity in the winter months) we give at least a 1/2 a loaf away. My daughter usually loves to help me make bread. As we are mixing the ingredients, we talk about who we might want to give some bread to this week. Then, we knead in our intentions and blessings for that person or family. Then, I try to make sure she is a part of actually giving the bread to the person. That is my goal every time we make bread. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen because of logistical difficulties of getting the bread to the person since my husband usually needs the car to get to work in the winter. But, giving away bread is always my goal and we always talk about it. This winter I’ll just have to give it to my neighbors more often if we can’t get it to anyone else. They may be enjoying lots of bread this winter!

Thanks for this article that reminded my about this practice. I can’t wait to get started again and think of other ways to make thinking of others a habit.

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